Redefining God through life experiences
Many people I know have found it useful, at least once in their lives, to throw out the image they have of God, or at least parts of that image, and start fresh. This may seem sacrilegious (even blasphemous) to some, but it need not be. In fact, I would argue that the life of Jesus, as well as the lives of the Buddha, Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King and many others, can be seen as a healthy overhaul of calcified concepts of God. I would like to suggest an exercise that serves a similar function on a small scale.
The exercise goes like this: Think of all the “powerful people” in your life, especially those from your childhood. Parents are an obvious choice, but the list can also include teachers, babysitters, religious authorities, older siblings and many others. Write your list of names in a single column, top to bottom. To the right of this column, add three more with the following titles: What Happened, What I Learned About God, The Truth I Choose To Believe Today. For each name on your list, write at least one thing in each of those three columns.
The purpose of the exercise is to identify the unhealthy and unhelpful characteristics we learned from the powerful people in our lives — traits that we subconsciously, and mistakenly, ascribed to God. Once we’ve identified these traits, we can begin to replace them with truer and healthier concepts.
The first time I did this exercise, one unhelpful trait I identified was perfectionism. After reflecting on my relationship with one of my caregivers, I realized that I had learned from this person to think that God expected me never to make a mistake. This limited and limiting concept of God prevented me from taking risks, from trying new things and, perhaps most damaging, from admitting when I was wrong.
When I got to The Truth I Choose To Believe Today column of the exercise, I decided to shoot for the stars. Rather than writing that God forgives my mistakes or that God loves me in spite of my mistakes (both of which I believe), I wrote, “God is thrilled when I make a mistake, because it gives me an opportunity to grow.”
Thrilled. I remember feeling almost giddy as I wrote that word. Just the thought that God might see my mistakes in this compassionate light gave me immense relief. To this day, I feel far less anxiety about making a mistake, and I have even learned to experience, occasionally, the thrill of having an opportunity to learn from them.
L.B. Blackwell has been practicing Eknath Easwaran’s passage meditation for 10 years. He lives in Chattanooga with his wife and two daughters. He blogs at mundaneway.blogspot.com.