Digging deep: Good lines from films and TV
“Cops get all squirrelly when they find a demon baby in your trunk.”
Well, sure. I mean, who hasn’t had this happen to them?
That statement is from “Ash vs. Evil Dead,” a Starz show canceled after its third season. It is the most horrifyingly gory, over-the-top horror series ever — and I’m completely confident in that statement.
But the spiffy line got me thinking about other great lines from both movies and TV. I know there are a billion or so lists like this out there to the point of “Please, please, please, not again.” Sorry, but yes, one more time.
I’m going with the hope that these have a bit weirder, lesser-known slant and that most are new to the general public. I don’t have near enough space in this column, but here are the first ones that came to mind:
“Miller’s Crossing.”
Secondary character: “How’d you get the fat lip?” Gabriel Byrne (central character): “Old war wound. Acts up around morons.” A little-talked-about Coen Brothers film about Irish organized crime, “Miller’s Crossing” ranks up there with “The Godfather” and “Goodfellas.”
“Farscape.” U.S. astronaut John Crichton has been flung into another universe after his spaced-based experiment goes wrong. He finds himself under fire by pistols that fire yellow “bullets” of plasma that rebound off everything until they find a living body. Grabbing a pistol, he points it at the bad guys and, in true Western-hero spirit, says, “Stop or I’ll fill you full of these (pause) little (pause) yellow (pause) bouncy things.” I’ve watched dozens of science-fiction series in my life, and “Farscape,” in my nowhere-nearhumble-opinion, is the best science-fiction show ever.
“The Emperor’s New
Groove.” In the animated Disney film, the llama character voiced by David Spade is pushing Pacha, the character voiced by John Goodman, up a cliff, using his head under Goodman’s more-thanhefty rear end. “You know, it’s a good thing you’re not a big, fat guy or this would be really difficult.” It made me laugh out loud, always a good thing.
“The Professionals.”
Ralph Bellamy calls Lee Marvin “a bastard.” Marvin responds: “Yes, sir. In my case, an accident of birth. But you, sir, you are a self-made man.”
“The Professionals” is on my Top 10 Best Westerns list, placing it alongside such films as “Shane,” “The Wild Bunch,” “The Outlaw Josey Wales,” “Jeremiah Johnson” and “Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.” Watch it and tell me if you disagree.
If you know other great, obscure movie lines, send them to me. Don’t give me “You’re killing me, Smalls” stuff; go deeper. I would love to do another column on this subject.