Can’t go to Europe?

You can find the Eiffel Tower and more right here in the United States

LOS ANGELES — OK, I wasn’t planning on heading to Europe any time soon, and neither were you.

But now that the Europeans are on the brink of ordering Americans to stay away (because we might fatally infect them), we feel bad. We want immediate access to the Eiffel Tower, the Tuscan countryside, a German castle. Not to worry.

To stand in for the Eiffel Tower and the gondolas of Venice, Italy, we have, of course, the Paris Las Vegas and Venetian hotels in Las Vegas, now open again.

To conjure golden fields and stacked-stone architecture of the Tuscan countryside, we have Olive Garden restaurants.

For a chunk of the Berlin Wall, we have the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley, California (alas, closed until further notice).

To stand in for a classic German castle, we have Disneyland’s Sleeping Beauty Castle, said to have been inspired by the Bavarian King Ludwig II’s Neuschwanstein Castle. Disneyland isn’t reopening July 17, as once was planned, but the nearby Downtown Disney district in Anaheim, California, started up again July 9, and company officials have said Disneyland will follow sometime after.

Spanish architecture? Yes, we can do that.

To sub for the Little Mermaid statue in Copenhagen, we have a splendid replica at Forest Lawn in Glendale, California.

Anything else Danish you need to replace? Try Solvang, in Southern California’s Santa Ynez Valley.

What I’m saying, America, is we may not be much good at staving off a pandemic. But when it comes to knocking off European culture, we are in our own category. A category as red, white and blue as the British flag. Right here, we have all the Europe we need and more.