What Americans can learn from other cultures about the language of gratitude
Families and friends traditionally gather to express gratitude during this time of year. Many also participate in acts of service and charity as a way of giving back to their local communities.
As communication scholars who study intercultural communication, we have studied how the many languages around the world have their own unique words and expressions for saying “thank you.” In turn, these expressions reveal very different assumptions about how human beings relate to one another and about the world we collectively inhabit.
NOT EVERYONE SAYS THANK YOU
Americans are known the world over for saying “thank you” in many everyday situations. Though some of these “thank yous” are undoubtedly heartfelt, many are also routine and said without much feeling. Given how often Americans say “thanks,” it might be surprising to know that in several other cultures around the world, people rarely say “thank you.”
In an article in The Atlantic, author Deepak Singh, an immigrant from northern India to the United States, explains that “in the Hindi language, in everyday gestures and culture, there is an unspoken understanding of gratitude.”
In many relationships — for instance, between parents and children or between close friends — saying thank you is considered inappropriate in these countries because it introduces a sense of formality that takes away the intimacy of the relationship. Thank you is appropriate when it is deeply and truly felt, and in situations where a person goes above and beyond the normal expectations of a relationship. Then too it is said with great solemnity, with eye contact, and perhaps even with hands at heart center in namaste position.
THE ECONOMIC RHETORIC OF GRATITUDE
In American English, many of the expressions of gratitude are couched in transactional language that involves expressions of personal indebtedness. We say, “I owe you a debt of gratitude,” “Thanks, I owe you one,” “One good turn deserves another,” and “How can I ever repay you?”
Thinking of gratitude as a kind of transaction can indeed encourage people to form mutually beneficial relationships. But it can also lead people to see their personal and impersonal relationships in economic terms — as transactions to be judged by market criteria of gain and loss.
The American language of gratitude tends to reflect the fact that many of us might see relationships as interpersonal transactions. But if we were to enter into relationships only on the premise of what benefits us personally, and potentially materially, then it can be very limiting.
This is why, we argue, it can be enlightening to look at other languages of gratitude.