Philemon and some helpful thoughts on forgiveness
The tiny little book of Philemon, just 25 verses long, makes up one of the most unusual and precious books in the entire Bible. It is a personal letter from friend to friend; Paul wrote it from his house imprisonment in Rome to a friend named Philemon, who lived in Colosse, some 1,300 miles away.
And the story behind it is fantastic.
Some years before, while Paul was on one of his famed missionary journeys, he had come to, or near to, Colosse and won Philemon to the Lord. That had begun a wonderful friendship between the two. Paul went on from there to many other places spreading the gospel and eventually ended up back home in Jerusalem, where he just so happened to be public enemy No. 1. A riot ensued when he entered the temple, and Paul ended up with a contract on his life.
Paul ended up exercising his right as a Roman citizen to stand before Caesar and have his case heard. And that led to a long, arduous journey to Rome. Paul arrived as a prisoner, but as perhaps the oddest prisoner anyone had ever seen. Since there were no formal charges against him regarding Roman law, he received what could be considered a bit of VIP treatment. He was given a house to live in, but he had a Roman soldier chained to him in that house.
Naturally, he started witnessing and preaching. Acts 28:30-31 then says, “And Paul dwelt two whole years in his own hired house, and received all that came in unto him, preaching the kingdom of God, and teaching those things which concern the Lord Jesus Christ, with all confidence, no man forbidding him.”
One person that came to hear him preach was a man named Onesimus, who heard the gospel and received Christ. When he did, he came clean with Paul about why he was there in Rome; he was a criminal on the run. He had fallen into debt, indentured himself to a man named Philemon and then not only bolted without paying the debt but had also stolen on his way out. Paul must surely have smiled as he heard the name Philemon. I can easily picture him smiling and saying, “Philemon of Colosse? I know him. I won him to the Lord. Onesimus, it’s time we write a little letter.”
That is where this tiny book of the Bible came from. It was Paul writing to Philemon in the very tenderest of terms asking him to forgive Onesimus, his new son in the Lord. He even went so far as to offer to pay all of what Onesimus owed to Philemon.
As Philemon 1:18-19 recounts: If he hath wronged thee, or oweth thee ought, put that on mine account; I Paul have written it with mine own hand, I will repay it: albeit I do not say to thee how thou owest unto me even thine own self besides.
All throughout this little book, Paul pleaded tenderly with Philemon to forgive Onesimus. So much so that one has to ask what was going on behind the scenes? And the answer, once you see it, is very eye-opening:
From Philemon 1:16: Not now as a servant, but above a servant, a brother beloved, specially to me, but how much more unto thee, both in the flesh, and in the Lord?
Paul was now related to Onesimus spiritually. But Philemon was related to Onesimus both spiritually and physically. He was a brother in the flesh to Onesimus!
He had stretched out to help someone very close to him, a family member, and been stabbed in the back by the one that he helped. And those are unquestionably the hardest grievances to ever get over and forgive.
I taught this to my Sunday School class last week. I had no idea that people would start raising their hands, some weeping, asking questions about forgiveness and how to forgive. It seems that a great many people have been injured by those they loved and trusted. And God used the study of this little book to open the door to an impromptu conversation about forgiveness. So if I may, please let me encourage you to read these next few helpful thoughts about the true nature of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting; when you try to forget something, you are remembering it by trying to forget it. Forgiveness is simply the releasing of the right to strike back for the wrong that has been done to you and the handing of the whole matter to the Lord for him to deal with.
Forgiveness is not the same thing as trust. Each circumstance must be evaluated carefully to see if trust can or cannot safely be extended. It is interesting that Paul specifically asked Philemon to receive Onesimus back, but “not as a servant, above a servant, a brother.” There is both tenderness and prudence in that request. It was as a servant that Onesimus robbed Philemon, and Paul would not ask Philemon to extend such trust again. He merely asked him to take Onesimus in as a brother. He asked him to forgive, not necessarily to trust. This is essential to grasp, especially in matters such as physical and sexual abuse. It is not spiritual to trust a child molester around the children he has molested under the banner of forgiveness; it is foolishness. It is not spiritual to trust the rapist around the woman he has abused; it is lunacy.
Forgiveness is also more for your benefit than for the benefit of the person you are forgiving. Taking the grievance out of your heart where it is eating you from the inside out like acid and giving it to the Lord, who knows best how to deal with it, is the wisest thing you will ever do.