‘The Golden Bachelor’ is the aging antidote we didn’t know we needed
To say I’m obsessed with “The Golden Bachelor” on ABC is an understatement. In my 12-plus years of running my business as an online dating coach, the largest demographic of clients I work with is people, specifically women, over 60 years old. (In fact, Match.com says 37% of its users is those ages 50 and up.)
Among my clients, most have been married before. Some are widowed, some are divorced, and all are learning that the landscape of dating is very different from when they tried it the first time around.
Rarely, though, is this particular demographic not only featured on TV but also celebrated. And I applaud “The Golden Bachelor” for doing just that.
It’s not a stereotype of what aging looks like but rather a showcase of how people, 22 women and one “Golden Bachelor,” hearing aids and all (“ear candy,” as one woman put it), can live their lives with age merely being a number, not a limitation.
Based on my observations and experience, let’s take a look at the five things to keep in mind when dating after 60 (when not on TV … like most of us!):
1. Manage your own expectations.
While most may hope the first date will also be the last first date, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment if we go into things with such high expectations. The best way to go about dating is to simply take each experience for what it is: meeting a new person. Or what I call “dating NATO” (not attached to outcome). Maybe you’ll learn something about your date (or even yourself) that might help you in life. Perhaps you’ll hear a funny story. Or you’ll meet, chat and end your night knowing that while this person may not be for you, you still gave it your all.
2. Remember that everyone comes with a past.
It’s unreasonable to assume that someone will come to the table without some form of baggage, or life experience. Whether it’s a contentious divorce, a rocky relationship with a child or a sick parent, something else is going to be a priority in this person’s life … and that’s OK.
A client of mine in her 60s who has no children or grandchildren was reluctant to date a man who was the caretaker of his young grandson. I encouraged her to give it some time, because it showed his dedication to family. While they can’t take all of the weekend trips she was dreaming of, she’s grown very fond of the grandson and respects her partner for making that role a priority.
3. Remember that everyone gets older. Almost all of my 60-plus male clients tell me women don’t age as well as men. And almost all of my 60-plus female clients tell me men don’t age as well as women. The moral: We all age. It’s simply not true that a counterpart the same age as you is necessarily in worse shape or can’t keep up, despite what you may think. Generally, lifestyle is a better indicator of things than age.
4. Use common sense.
People often tell me that dating — online dating in particular — is scary. Their rationale is that you don’t know who’s out there, and there is fear in the unknown. To overcome this fear, simply take precaution when meeting someone for the first time. Meet in a public place, and if it makes you feel safer, tell a friend where you’re going or share your phone location with that friend. Yes, scary things are everywhere, but common sense will take you further than you might think.
5. Focus on yourself first.
Finding a partner will not create happiness. Will it add to happiness? I hope so! But first, you need to find (or re-find) that confidence that you have in yourself. Treat yourself well, heal from the last relationship, and rediscover yourself. Then add someone else to your world.
Remember that love and connection are not limited by age. Kudos to “The Golden Bachelor” for shedding light on this oftenoverlooked demographic and for celebrating the beauty of human connection regardless of age. I can’t wait to see what unfolds on Thursday nights, but I can tell you that I’m thrilled to see it.