En­gaged man shows zero in­ter­est in sex

Chicago Sun-Times - - ENTERTAINMENT -

Dear Abby: My best friend of 25 years just got en­gaged. I sus­pect her fi­ance is gay or there’s some­thing se­ri­ously wrong with him. They have been dat­ing for eight months and he hasn’t once tried to have sex with her. He has used ev­ery ex­cuse un­der the sun as to why (bad back, tired, etc.).

He re­cently pro­posed to her in a pub­lic place in front of his fam­ily. I don’t think he knows the real her, and I don’t think she un­der­stands the se­ri­ous im­pli­ca­tions of her de­ci­sion to marry him when sex­ual in­ti­macy was so im­por­tant to her be­fore.

She once told me she would not marry a man with­out first hav­ing sex with him, and that a sex­less life is her big­gest fear. I feel I should speak up as her best friend. Should I? See­ing Red Flags in Ge­or­gia

Dear See­ing: Yes. And when you do, urge her to get into pre­mar­i­tal coun­sel­ing with her fi­ance. Dur­ing the ses­sions, mat­ters like sex, fi­nances and child-rear­ing should be dis­cussed so there won’t be any “sur­prises” later. Re­peat your sug­ges­tion, if nec­es­sary, un­til she reaches the al­tar.

Let’s hope she lis­tens to you be­cause his fa­tigue and bad back won’t mag­i­cally dis­ap­pear after they say “I do.”

Dear Abby: My boyfriend is di­vorced. His ex’s name is tat­tooed on his arm. Al­though I don’t like it, I re­al­ize that it was long ago and be­fore I came into the pic­ture.

As we have grown closer over the last two years, I’m of­ten tempted to ask him to have it re­moved or cov­ered up. I think it’s tacky, and I don’t like it at all.

I know I can’t de­mand he re­move it, but would a gen­tle re­quest do? Or should I wait un­til I have more of a for­mal sta­tus in his life? Look­ing Away in the South

Dear Look­ing Away: Tat­too re­moval isn’t as easy as wav­ing a magic wand and — presto! — it’s gone. The process can take sev­eral ses­sions, can be quite painful and must be done by a pro­fes­sional.

If this is so im­por­tant to you that you would put him through that, then ask him nicely. When you do it is up to you. You could jok­ingly ask him to have a cir­cle with a di­ag­o­nal line through it added to his ex’s name.

Dear Abby: A lit­tle back­story be­fore my ques­tion. I am 39 and the mother of three beau­ti­ful daugh­ters, ages 18, 12 and 8. I am get­ting a di­vorce. It’s an am­i­ca­ble one (thank good­ness), and my girls are do­ing pretty OK with the news.

Dur­ing this last year, I grad­u­ated with my AA de­gree. I am very proud of the achieve­ment but have never had a cel­e­bra­tion.

Would it be in bad taste to have a house­warm­ing, grad­u­a­tion and al­most-40 birth­day party (my birth­day is on a ma­jor hol­i­day, and my friends are usu­ally busy do­ing other things that night) and ask for gifts for my new house and the girls’ bed­rooms? Cel­e­brat­ing in Idaho

Dear Cel­e­brat­ing: A party would be won­der­ful be­cause you have much to cel­e­brate. Send in­vi­ta­tions de­scrib­ing it as a “house­warm­ing, grad­u­a­tion cel­e­bra­tion and 40th birth­day party,” but do not men­tion gifts on the in­vi­ta­tion. If some­one asks about it, feel free to tell the per­son. But to ask for gifts on an in­vi­ta­tion is a no-no.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and get­ting along with peers and par­ents is in “What Ev­ery Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mail­ing ad­dress, plus check or money or­der for $7, to: Dear Abby, Teen Book­let, P.O. Box 447, Mount Mor­ris, IL 61054-0447. (Ship­ping and han­dling are in­cluded in the price.)

Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

SHE ONCE TOLD ME SHE WOULD NOT MARRY A MAN WITH­OUT FIRST HAV­ING SEX WITH HIM, AND THAT A SEX­LESS LIFE IS HER BIG­GEST FEAR. I FEEL I SHOULD SPEAK UP AS HER BEST FRIEND.

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