Chicago Sun-Times

My al­co­holic hus­band loves tavern with a flir­ta­tious bar­tender

- DEAR ABBY Bullying · Society · Relationships · Sex · Marriage · Family · Bloggers · Relationships & Sex · Internet Celebrities · Celebrities · Facebook · Georgia · Pauline Phillips · Jeanne Phillips · Los Angeles · California · Illinois · Morris · Mt. Morris, IL

Dear Abby: My hus­band of 43 years, an al­co­holic, has started going to the lo­cal grill/bar in our small town. He spends three to four hours there, six days a week. He would go more of­ten if they were open on Sun­days.

Peo­ple who know us tell me things that have been going on be­tween a sin­gle bar­tender and him. This bar­tender has given him gifts, and I heard he over­tips her. I have also been told there’s more going on than the out­ward flirt­ing, and my hus­band has been say­ing bad things about me.

The bar­tender is not a young woman, and she tells any­one who will lis­ten that she’s look­ing for a man. I have asked my hus­band nicely to stop going there, and he does for a few days, un­til her calls and posts on Face­book start about me “keep­ing him from going to the bar.” When he gets home, he con­tin­ues drink­ing un­til he passes out.

I have told him that if he gets a DUI and goes to jail, I won’t bail him out. He doesn’t really care, and I don’t know what to do. Help!

Disas­ter in Ge­or­gia

Dear Disas­ter: Your sig­na­ture is cor­rect. Your mar­riage IS a disas­ter. As long as your hus­band con­tin­ues to drink, noth­ing will im­prove. Keep up­per­most in your mind that, as much as you might want to, you can­not change him.

Con­tact a di­vorce lawyer and find out what you need to do to pro­tect your­self fi­nan­cially. And join an Al-Anon group. There may be more than one near you. When you do, you may find not only some much-needed emo­tional sup­port but also per­spec­tive. I am sorry for what you are ex­pe­ri­enc­ing, but once you at­tend a meeting, you will find you are not alone and that there is a way out.

Dear Abby: I am a sin­gle 30-year-old fe­male who is child-free. (I never wanted kids, ever!) My per­sonal stance and views on the sub­ject are well-known by my co-work­ers, all of whom have chil­dren.

I share an of­fice with “Elise,” who’s about 18 years older than I am. Over the years, she has made re­marks such as, “You have no right to be tired. You don’t have kids!” or “You don’t count be­cause you don’t have kids!” or “You’re not a real adult be­cause you don’t have the re­spon­si­bil­ity of hav­ing kids” (my fa­vorite).

How do I deal with her, or what do I say to counter her re­marks? When she makes them, it hurts my feel­ings. I don’t re­act be­cause I know if I do it will hurt her feel­ings and cause fric­tion in the of­fice, which I don’t need. But I’m sick to death of peo­ple like her who have chil­dren say­ing those things about peo­ple like me.

Free For­ever

Dear Free: Your co­worker ap­pears to be voic­ing her frustratio­ns about the re­spon­si­bil­i­ties of par­ent­hood and some­what jeal­ous that you are free of them. The next time she hurts your feel­ings, it would not be over­re­act­ing to tell her that she has and ask her for an apol­ogy.

If she’s do­ing it hop­ing to get a rise out of you, ig­nore her. But if it per­sists, as a last re­sort, talk to your boss or hu­man re­sources about it be­cause she’s cre­at­ing a hos­tile work en­vi­ron­ment. (It’s the truth.) She should be talk­ing with you about work, not her per­sonal opin­ions about you.


Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

Abby shares more than 100 of her fa­vorite recipes in two book­lets: “Abby’s Fa­vorite Recipes” and “More Fa­vorite Recipes by Dear Abby.” Send your name and mail­ing ad­dress, plus check or money or­der for $16, to: Dear Abby, Cook­book­let Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Mor­ris, IL 61054-0447. (Ship­ping and han­dling are in­cluded in the price.)

 ??  ??

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from USA