Our dates are ru­ined by my girl­friend’s de­mand­ing daugh­ter

Chicago Sun-Times - - ENTERTAINM­ENT - DEAR ABBY AD­VICE Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

Dear Abby: I have met the most remark­able woman, but af­ter eight months of se­ri­ous dat­ing, I have re­al­ized that she has the worst and most ma­nip­u­lat­ing 10-year-old daugh­ter ever. She con­stantly claims sick­ness, and now even men­tal health is­sues like anx­i­ety and panic disor­der, al­though they have never been for­mally di­ag­nosed, to pre­vent her mother and me from hav­ing time to­gether. Im­me­di­ately af­ter her mother agrees to her daugh­ter’s re­quest and lets her get her way, the kid be­comes happy and en­er­getic, and goes back to play­ing. (I feel she is laugh­ing in my face.)

The nu­mer­ous can­cel­la­tions and tantrums are very up­set­ting, and it hurts my feel­ings when the per­son I love most in the world sets me aside.

I had con­sid­ered propos­ing mar­riage. I have a 13- and 17-year-old who are both re­spect­ful, en­er­getic and happy. They have been through a lot since their mother aban­doned us, but they would NEVER con­sider act­ing out like this girl.

Last week­end I was asked to bring her re­quested din­ner and then leave, be­cause she wanted Mommy to watch her wa­ter­color. Abby, they are to­gether ev­ery day, al­most all day, and close rel­a­tives refuse to watch the child.

Is a res­o­lu­tion pos­si­ble? Should I stay or should I go? When do I have the right to say enough is enough? The con­stant ex­clu­sions make me feel in­signif­i­cant. Counted Out in Ken­tucky

Dear Counted Out: If “close rel­a­tives” refuse to watch the child so your lady friend can have a break, there may be more to this story than you have writ­ten. The girl is fight­ing for her mother — and winning. From where I sit, Mama could ben­e­fit from some dis­cus­sions with a child psy­chol­o­gist and lessons in how to say no to her daugh­ter.

Adult re­la­tion­ships are sup­posed to make both par­ties feel bet­ter, not in­signif­i­cant.

As to whether you should stay or go, I think you would be wise to take a break from this re­la­tion­ship be­cause, as it stands, it is go­ing nowhere.

Dear Abby: I have a friend who has stopped by unan­nounced sev­eral times. She’ll send me a text, but with­out giv­ing me a chance to re­spond, she just pops over. One time I was in the mid­dle of study­ing for an exam and it wasn’t a good time. Other times I was busy do­ing some­thing and was startled when she showed up.

Fi­nally, I men­tioned some­thing in a text about how much I liked her as a friend but would re­ally ap­pre­ci­ate if she would wait for a re­sponse to her text be­fore stop­ping by. It has been two or three days now, and she hasn’t re­sponded. I even said I didn’t want to hurt her feel­ings and hope she un­der­stands.

I would think most peo­ple feel as I do about unan­nounced visi­tors, but I could be wrong. I would like to ask her how she would feel about it, but be­fore I do, I need to know what’s “nor­mal.” Busy and Both­ered

DearB&B : It is con­sid­ered nor­mal good man­ners to ask if it is con­ve­nient — and wait for a re­sponse — be­fore stop­ping by some­one’s home so it will not be an intrusion. You were study­ing, but many peo­ple work from home and also don’t want to be dis­turbed. Oth­ers pre­fer to be “pre­sentable” be­fore they have com­pany. In­ter­est­ing, isn’t it, how many self-cen­tered in­di­vid­u­als be­come hy­per­sen­si­tive when called on their be­hav­ior.

THE NU­MER­OUS CAN­CEL­LA­TIONS AND TANTRUMS ARE VERY UP­SET­TING, AND IT HURTS MY FEEL­INGS WHEN THE PER­SON I LOVE MOST IN THE WORLD SETS ME ASIDE.

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