Should old friend and I talk about our hid­den love?

Chicago Sun-Times - - ENTERTAINM­ENT -

Dear Abby: I have come into con­tact with my first and for­ever love again af­ter 30 years. We have had a few en­coun­ters through­out the years. When they hap­pened, we fell right back into our com­fort zone.

We both have cur­rent re­la­tion­ships with oth­ers that are not sat­is­fy­ing. We have both had failed re­la­tion­ships as well. No re­la­tion­ship I have ever been in com­pares to the one I have with this man. He’s suc­cess­ful and buries him­self in his work. Even though he never says it, I know in my heart he has hid­den feel­ings to­ward me as well.

This man has held my heart my en­tire life. I never stopped lov­ing him. Do I fi­nally tell him how I feel and risk pos­si­bly los­ing him for­ever, or should I re­main silent and en­joy the en­coun­ters we have when they hap­pen? Wants It All in Penn­syl­va­nia

Dear Wants It All: I think you should fi­nally let this man know how you feel about him. If you do, it will ei­ther en­able him to tell you he feels the same as you do, or stop you from fan­ta­siz­ing about a re­la­tion­ship that will never hap­pen. If he is sat­is­fied with the sta­tus quo, it doesn’t nec­es­sar­ily mean these en­coun­ters will end, but at least you will know them for what they are.

Dear Abby: My mother has no faith in me, mostly be­cause I have a dis­abil­ity. Even though it’s not that bad, she still doesn’t think I can do any­thing hard. Although I’m al­most 40, she still tells me what to do and crit­i­cizes me in any way she can, in­clud­ing my par­ent­ing. I can’t spend a day with her with­out want­ing to come home and take a bat to the walls.

I have a lot of anger in­side, and I don’t trust her be­cause she tends to tell her friends or fam­ily things I would rather were kept pri­vate. What can I do about this? Ir­ri­tated in Illi­nois

Dear Ir­ri­tated: If this is any com­fort, I re­ceive let­ters with the same com­plaint as yours from read­ers who don’t have dis­abil­i­ties. If your chil­dren are healthy and do­ing well and your mother’s crit­i­cisms are base­less, my ad­vice is to tune your prob­a­bly well-mean­ing but over­bear­ing mother out. Be­cause she dis­cusses things you con­fide in her with oth­ers, quit telling her any­thing you don’t want broad­cast. It’s eas­ier than try­ing to muz­zle her. You might also con­sider see­ing your mother less of­ten, which could save your walls and the wear and tear on the bat you’re tempted to use af­ter those en­coun­ters.

NO RE­LA­TION­SHIP I HAVE EVER BEEN IN COM­PARES TO THE ONE I HAVE WITH THIS MAN.

Dear Abby: I would like to pro­pose a new word for gen­eral use. It’s “was­band.” Def­i­ni­tion: male to whom I am no longer mar­ried. Rea­son: “Ex” seems a pe­jo­ra­tive term. I didn’t want to add that bur­den to the bag­gage our kids may have picked up.

I have used it since the mid-1990s. I be­gan to think of a new term when I was in a so­cial sit­u­a­tion with my was­band, his wife and mu­tual friends. I bumped into a col­league and wasn’t quick enough to think of a po­lite term for my for­mer hus­band, so I could only in­tro­duce him as “the fa­ther of my chil­dren.” I think “was­band” is a less awk­ward term. What do you think, Abby? Lover Of Lan­guage in Washington

Dear L.O.L: I think it is clever. The term is listed in the Ur­ban Dic­tionary, and be­cause you started us­ing it so early shows you are one smart cookie.

Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

DEAR ABBY AD­VICE

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