Should old friend and I talk about our hidden love?
Dear Abby: I have come into contact with my first and forever love again after 30 years. We have had a few encounters throughout the years. When they happened, we fell right back into our comfort zone.
We both have current relationships with others that are not satisfying. We have both had failed relationships as well. No relationship I have ever been in compares to the one I have with this man. He’s successful and buries himself in his work. Even though he never says it, I know in my heart he has hidden feelings toward me as well.
This man has held my heart my entire life. I never stopped loving him. Do I finally tell him how I feel and risk possibly losing him forever, or should I remain silent and enjoy the encounters we have when they happen? Wants It All in Pennsylvania
Dear Wants It All: I think you should finally let this man know how you feel about him. If you do, it will either enable him to tell you he feels the same as you do, or stop you from fantasizing about a relationship that will never happen. If he is satisfied with the status quo, it doesn’t necessarily mean these encounters will end, but at least you will know them for what they are.
Dear Abby: My mother has no faith in me, mostly because I have a disability. Even though it’s not that bad, she still doesn’t think I can do anything hard. Although I’m almost 40, she still tells me what to do and criticizes me in any way she can, including my parenting. I can’t spend a day with her without wanting to come home and take a bat to the walls.
I have a lot of anger inside, and I don’t trust her because she tends to tell her friends or family things I would rather were kept private. What can I do about this? Irritated in Illinois
Dear Irritated: If this is any comfort, I receive letters with the same complaint as yours from readers who don’t have disabilities. If your children are healthy and doing well and your mother’s criticisms are baseless, my advice is to tune your probably well-meaning but overbearing mother out. Because she discusses things you confide in her with others, quit telling her anything you don’t want broadcast. It’s easier than trying to muzzle her. You might also consider seeing your mother less often, which could save your walls and the wear and tear on the bat you’re tempted to use after those encounters.
NO RELATIONSHIP I HAVE EVER BEEN IN COMPARES TO THE ONE I HAVE WITH THIS MAN.
Dear Abby: I would like to propose a new word for general use. It’s “wasband.” Definition: male to whom I am no longer married. Reason: “Ex” seems a pejorative term. I didn’t want to add that burden to the baggage our kids may have picked up.
I have used it since the mid-1990s. I began to think of a new term when I was in a social situation with my wasband, his wife and mutual friends. I bumped into a colleague and wasn’t quick enough to think of a polite term for my former husband, so I could only introduce him as “the father of my children.” I think “wasband” is a less awkward term. What do you think, Abby? Lover Of Language in Washington
Dear L.O.L: I think it is clever. The term is listed in the Urban Dictionary, and because you started using it so early shows you are one smart cookie.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.