Friend sounds hor­ri­ble when she scorns over­weight peo­ple

Chicago Sun-Times - - ENTERTAINM­ENT -

Dear Abby: One of my dear­est friends has a nasty habit of mak­ing snide com­ments about peo­ple who are over­weight. We’ve been friends for more than 40 years, and she has al­ways been this way.

Now that I’m older, I have packed on a few pounds my­self, and when she says th­ese things in a con­ver­sa­tion, I’m like, “Hey, I’m over­weight too! Am I dis­gust­ing?” I can’t seem to find the words to get her to think about what she says.

It doesn’t re­ally hurt my feel­ings, but it makes her sound like a hor­ri­ble per­son, and she re­ally isn’t. She’s a dear in al­most every other re­spect. I would like to get her to stop this, so what’s your ad­vice? Friend has a Fault

Dear Friend: The next time she does it, say out loud, “Hey, I’m over­weight, too! Am I dis­gust­ing like you say about those other peo­ple? I have lis­tened to this for 40 years and enough is enough! You are sweet, but when you say those things, you come across as nasty and judg­men­tal. So cut it out!” (Bet­ter late than never.)

Dear Abby: I take care of my daugh­terin-law’s taxes and have for the past 15 years. I have never charged her for it. When she brings me the pa­per­work, it is al­ways a mess. I told her I would be her full-time book­keeper and charge her $300 a month, but it’s like get­ting blood from a turnip. I have to beg her each month for my pay.

My hus­band said I should stop do­ing it for her. What should I do? I feel that this is driv­ing a wedge be­tween us. She owns a small con­struc­tion clean­ing ser­vice and makes good money. Good With Fig­ures in Florida

Dear Good: Your daugh­ter-in-law may re­sent the fact that you want pay­ment for keep­ing her fi­nances in or­der, but I’ll bet you’re charg­ing far less than a non­fam­ily mem­ber would. It’s time to tell her that dun­ning her for money every month has be­come too stress­ful. Sug­gest that she set up an au­to­matic fund trans­fer to your ac­count to cover the monthly fee. If she’s un­will­ing to do that, then your hus­band has the right idea and it would be bet­ter for both of you if she hired some­one else for th­ese ser­vices.

Dear Abby: I am 41, di­vorced for the se­cond time, and I have fallen madly in love with a won­der­ful man. He got out of a 12-year re­la­tion­ship six months ago. Un­til just last week he still had ties with her, but he fi­nally washed his hands of her. The only thing is, he lied to her to avoid a con­fronta­tion. He couldn’t bring him­self to stand up to her and tell her the truth. I HAVE PACKED ON A FEW POUNDS MY­SELF, AND WHEN SHE SAYS TH­ESE THINGS IN A CON­VER­SA­TION, I’M LIKE, “HEY, I’M OVER­WEIGHT TOO!

It hurts me deeply, and it has forced a wedge be­tween us. He doesn’t un­der­stand why it hurts me so much, and he doesn’t seem to care. I’m try­ing to shake it, but it’s hard to do. I just need some­one to help me get over it. Any ad­vice would be greatly ap­pre­ci­ated. Heart­bro­ken in Ten­nessee

Dear Heart­bro­ken: I wish you had re­vealed what this gen­tle­man is afraid to tell his ex. Could it be that he is in­volved with you? If so, this is a red flag. His un­will­ing­ness or in­abil­ity to tell the truth is a se­ri­ous char­ac­ter flaw and not some­thing you should ig­nore.

To re­ceive a col­lec­tion of Abby’s most mem­o­rable — and most fre­quently re­quested — po­ems and es­says, send your name and mail­ing ad­dress, plus check or money or­der for $8, to: Dear Abby — Keep­ers Book­let, P.O. Box 447, Mount Mor­ris, IL 61054-0447. Ship­ping and han­dling are in­cluded in the price.

Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Bu­ren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

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