I never had feelings for my friend, un­til he got in a re­la­tion­ship


Dear Abby: I am a 21-year-old woman who hasn’t been very lucky when it comes to re­la­tion­ships. My first real re­la­tion­ship wasn’t un­til I was 20, and it didn’t last too long. I have “talked” to quite a few guys, but they never went past the “get­ting to know you” stage.

I was able to fig­ure out things I wanted and didn’t want in a re­la­tion­ship. My best friend for the last eight years has al­ways been there to help me get through some pretty hard times. He has all the qual­i­ties I’m look­ing for in some­one. He’s smart, funny, hon­est, car­ing and is lit­er­ally a male ver­sion of me.

When we were younger, he told me he had feelings for me, but I only saw him as a friend. Every­one would tell us we should be to­gether, but I ig­nored it. Af­ter years of know­ing I didn’t feel the same way, he gave up try­ing to progress our friend­ship into some­thing more. I al­ways told him I didn’t want to get ro­man­ti­cally in­volved be­cause I value his friend­ship too much and I didn’t want to lose him.

He re­cently started a re­la­tion­ship with some­one, and it made me re­al­ize I might have ro­man­tic feelings for him that I haven’t had be­fore. I don’t know what to do. Please help. Too Late in Texas

Dear Too Late: The longer you re­main silent, the greater the chances that your friend’s new re­la­tion­ship could de­velop into some­thing se­ri­ous. Tell him all the qual­i­ties you think are spe­cial about him (mi­nus the one about be­ing your “clone”). Then fol­low it up with the fact that it wasn’t un­til he started this new ro­man­tic re­la­tion­ship that you re­al­ized you have those kinds of feelings for him. Bet­ter late than never.

Dear Abby: Last month, I found out a friend of mine was go­ing to be liv­ing out of his van. I couldn’t let him do that, so I of­fered him my sec­ond bed­room and put him on the lease.

He told me Uber doesn’t pay much, and he couldn’t af­ford half the $1,700-a-month rent, so we agreed he would pay what he could, roughly $200-$300 of the $1,700. I said it was OK be­cause I didn’t take him in for money pur­poses. I did it to help a friend in need, and I had spare space.


I quickly found out that he’s a hoarder. His en­tire bed­room is full of his boxes of stuff (manga, anime, books, etc., not fur­ni­ture or a TV), so much so that he’s been sleep­ing on my liv­ing room couch. He also spends all his time at home and Ubered only the last two days of the month to make the $200 to pay me.

I guess my ques­tion is, our agree­ment was $200-$300 a month, which he paid, but does find­ing out he’s work­ing only two days a month to make it change our agree­ment? Took in a Lost Puppy in Hawaii

Dear Took: May I point out that when you took this “puppy” in, it wasn’t so he’d be sleep­ing on your couch but in the spare room? He shouldn’t be us­ing YOUR liv­ing room or YOUR couch for sleep­ing.

Be­cause you put this free­loader on the lease — for what rea­son, I can­not fathom — you may need an at­tor­ney to get him out of there. Rather than work­ing two days a month to pay that mi­nus­cule amount of rent to you, he should be driv­ing enough hours to ac­cu­mu­late a down pay­ment on a place of his own. To say that your kind­ness has been taken ad­van­tage of is an un­der­state­ment. Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

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