Circle of like: 4 ways to avoid or appease the cantankerous co-worker
Pre-COVID-19, it was fairly easy to find the disgruntled co-workers at the office. They were the ones often surrounded by others at the copy machine, criticizing their managers for their perceived incompetence.
If you cared about your job, these co-workers should have given off a strong and consistent message: Stay away!
“Negative talk at work is cancer that feeds upon itself. People are unhappy and even if they would claim otherwise, they want to make sure that others around them are unhappy as well,” says Sharon Smythe, a career coach in Houston.
Smythe says that too often, even employees who are happy with their situation find themselves mired in the negative perceptions of others.
“People just start complaining about everything and everyone. Nothing is good enough,” Smythe says. “It creates a sewer of negativity, and you have to make sure you’re not sitting in that sewer.”
Today, with so many people working from home, it’s a little harder to detect those miserable peers. But the signs are there — the catty messages in chat during meetings, the disgruntled looks on camera (if they’re on camera at all), the bitter emails — so it’s best to assess each situation differently and make good choices.
Smythe offers up a few suggestions to survive working with others aren’t happy with their jobs.
1. Stay out of the fray:
The very first time you hear someone complaining about a boss or co-worker or project, tread carefully. “It is the initial conversation that hooks everyone in. If you stay out of the fray initially, you won’t be seen as a person to come to when people are complaining later,” Smythe says.
2. Practice diversion: When people want to complain, find something else to talk about. “Most times people just want to talk. They’re not necessarily focused on complaining but they just want to vent in one way or the other,” Smythe says. “Get them to talk about the weather or some friends you have or whatever sport situation is going on in your city.”
3. Suggest a new place to work: “You can say something like ‘hey, you seem really unhappy here. Have you considered looking for something else?’ Sometimes people need to be told to find a new job. Sometimes they’ll take the hint that they’re complaining too much about their current situation,” she says.
4. Offer a solution: “You certainly don’t want to get involved or be the mediator, but people don’t want to hear you defending for your boss or your co-worker. The only thing you can offer is a potential solution,” Smythe says. “Different hours, a request to be put on a new project. Sometimes, it’s all people need to hear.”