Let’s stay together

Senior communities support couples in all stages of life

Questions

raced through Jim Foran’s mind as he faced a tough situation sometimes shared by other long-time married couples. His wife, Rietta, was starting to suffer from memory loss. Could he continue to care for her if her memory worsened? Would they eventually be separated if she had to move to a community with memory care? How could he be sure she would be taken care of?

Planning ahead, Jim started to look at retirement communities. Many offer living arrangements that allow couples with different needs to stay together. He decided to move with his wife to Alden of Waterford, a retirement campus in Aurora with different levels of care.

The couple lived together for a time in a new apartment for independent seniors. But as his wife’s memory declined, Jim decided, along with his son, that she needed more care. So, she moved to the memory care section of the campus, Alden Courts of Waterford.

Since his wife was nearby, Jim could walk over and visit her whenever he liked. She also got the extra care she needed before she passed away in June. “The staff was wonderful,” says Jim. “She was comfortable and well cared for. I was able to spend quality time with her.”

Removing stigmas

September is World Alzheimer’s Awareness Month, an international campaign to raise awareness and challenge the stigma that surrounds dementia. World Alzheimer’s Day is Sept. 21.

The number of Americans living with Alzheimer’s is growing — and growing fast. According to the Alzheimer’s Association, more than 6 million Americans of all ages have Alzheimer’s, a kind of dementia.

Research shows that married people are less likely to develop dementia. But as life expectancy increases, the number of people with dementia, married or not, is rising.

A diagnosis of cognitive impairment, such as Alzheimer’s disease, changes a marriage, experts say. The partner with memory loss can feel lonely and misunderstood. The healthy partner may be under a lot of stress, especially when handling most of the caregiving duties.

Luckily, help is available. A wide variety of housing options allow couples to stay together while still getting the help they need. Many assisted living and retirement campuses have accommodations for couples.

“Love is strong,” says Natalie McFarland, executive director at Terra Vista, a memory care community in Oakbrook Terrace. “Couples may want the option to stay together.”

Terra Vista has large units that can accommodate couples so they can age in place together. The entire staff at Terra Vista is trained on the best practices of memory care. The campus was designed based on research by a collaboration of dementia care experts.

The barrier-free environment offers two floors of open space. The expansive courtyard includes gardens, pathways and activities. Research shows that natural spaces have a calming effect on memory care residents. “We offer person-centered care,” says McFarland. Programming is tailored to the needs of the individual.

Living in the same building has a lot of advantages for couples. The transition to a community is easier for a husband and wife who can support each other through a challenging change, according to McFarland. “It’s a big plus.”

Also, even if the couple live in separate apartments, they can easily visit each other and eat meals together. Family visits with children and grandchildren are easier to arrange with the couple in one community as well.

Getting help

Paul Slosar lives in an apartment for independent residents at Smith Village, a retirement community on Chicago’s South Side. His wife, Maureen, lived in the same apartment for about nine months until her memory issues became a real problem. Paul admits he had trouble accepting the fact that his wife and her needs had changed. He describes her as “the perfect person.” But he knew he could not handle the situation any longer.

With the help and encouragement of the staff at Smith Village, Paul moved his wife, who has since passed away, to the memory care section of the community. “I brought her to my apartment every day,” says Paul. “She was an enjoyment.”

A move can take pressure off the spouse who was acting as the caregiver. The community provides many of the services needed by the partner with memory loss. Time spent together as a couple is less stressed and more meaningful. “The arrangement brings them back into the relationship they had as a married couple,” says Amanda Mauceri, executive director at Smith Crossing, a life plan community in Orland Park.

Trained professionals at the community typically conduct an assessment prior to move-in. This gives the staff a roadmap to recommend the appropriate level of care for each individual.

Circle of care

Maureen Schmit’s husband, Bill, knew his memory was failing. It was actually his idea to move to Belmont Village Lincoln Park, an assisted living community in Chicago. The couple rented a two-bedroom apartment there.

Bill attended a day program offered by the community called Circle of Friends for those with mild cognitive impairment. Meanwhile, Maureen attended a full schedule of activities from discussions to fitness classes.

“You can’t imagine how helpful the arrangement was,” says Maureen. “Life was so much easier.”

Communities are typically flexible about living arrangements when the situation changes. Maureen’s husband passed away and she has since moved to a one-bedroom apartment in the building.

Big units for a couple cost more. Rental at assisted living apartments may have a second person fee. Life plan communities charge a higher entrance fee for large apartments. Monthly charges for two people are higher too.

When touring communities, the best advice is to be open and honest about the situation with the care team, says Donna Hermann, executive director at Belmont Village Lincoln Park. “Start out on the right foot.”