In Chinese, I am at a loss for words

“Good morning,” I say to my colleagues as I arrive for work each day. “Good morning,” they reply without fail.

It’s a normal enough scene that could happen in any office — although lately I have sensed that my “good mornings” are becoming a bit of a joke among my co-workers.

Why should that be?

Well, I’m working in China and the colleagues I’m addressing are Chinese, so perhaps they expect me to make the effort to greet them with the occasional “ni hao”.

The truth is, however, that although I have been working in China for 15 months, I haven’t yet tried to learn Chinese.

When I arrived at first I hoped that I might — and if someone were to offer me lessons I probably still would, if only to occupy the approaching dark winter nights.

But I have to say, the more I observe those who have made the effort to learn this fiendishly difficult language, the more I am put off from doing so myself.

I know people who have been learning Mandarin for a long time — some of them have Chinese partners — but when they attempt to speak to a Chinese person they are met with a blank stare.

When they try to speak to someone on the phone, the Chinese people around them are often in fits of laughter, making jokes among themselves.

I went to a restaurant the other day with a colleague who is highly enthusiastic about using the language. When he tried to order, the staff thought it was hilarious and hadn’t a clue what he was talking about.

Soon the whole restaurant was staring at us and chuckling away. I just pointed at a picture of some food on the menu and said the Chinese word I treasure the most — Yanjing — to get my meal and a beer in a fraction of the time.

Using a taxi can be a problem.

I have my address printed on a business card but some drivers still don’t seem to understand where I’m going even when I show them that.

So what hope would I have explaining it in beginner’s Chinese?

Learning a language can have its comical moments and can lead to unexpected outcomes.

Many TV shows and films have as their theme the difficulties of learning another tongue.

So I do understand how funny it can be to hear foreigners attempting to speak your language.

It’s just that I don’t want to be the one being laughed at.