Families yearn for more during nursing home visits
It’s been four months since Gail and Patty Erskine have been able to hug their mom. Like many families with loved ones in nursing homes, the sisters have only been able to see and communicate with their mother, Betty “Pete” Erskine, 82, via video chat and through a patio window at Pierce Memorial Baptist Nursing & Rehab Center in the upstate Connecticut town of Brooklyn.
“It’s very hard when you’re so close, but you still can’t touch,” Gail Erskine, 45, said.
Every other Friday, the two go up to a bay window at the nursing home to see their mother for about 30 minutes. An attendant helps their mother call them on a cellphone.
They call the home days ahead to set up the visit, and sometimes the weather doesn’t cooperate. During one meeting, the clouds opened up and both were soaked with rain by the time they left.
“It was worth it,” Patty Erskine, 51, said. The home has since placed an awning out for visitors, the sisters said.
After months of isolation and amid thousands of deaths from the coronavirus, nursing homes have begun allowing in- person visits again — either window- side or outdoors.
But with in- person visits restricted to outdoor meetings that may only last minutes, and where visitors can’t touch or be near their loved one, families and advocates say they’re worried about the long- term effects of isolation on nursing home patients.
“If a resident is COVID- negative, they can do outdoor visits,” virtual visits, or visits by phone, said Mairead Painter, the state’s longterm care ombudsman. Nursing home patients who test positive for the coronavirus or are suspected of having it are not allowed outdoor visits.
Patients and visitors must wear masks and stay 6 feet apart from one another. That can sometimes confuse patients, who might not understand what’s going on, Painter said. The masks can also make it harder for patients to hear what their loved ones are saying.
While the visits are supposed to last at least 20 minutes, some homes treat that as the maximum time allowed, citing staffing concerns, Painter said. In other cases, the number of visits families are allowed each week have been restricted.
“They’re not in jail; they’re regular citizens like you or I,” she said. “They deserve to have access to their friends and family.”
Aspokeswoman for Pierce Memorial said the company plans to begin offering outdoor visits if the latest tests for staff members come back negative.
Visitors have been banned from going into nursing homes since mid- March, when Gov. Ned Lamont issued an executive order allowing the state Department of Public Health to shutter homes to most outsiders.
Exceptions were made for “compassionate care” visits for patients, typically those in end- of- life care. First responders were also exempt. The lockdown meant patients of nursing homes and other long- term care facilities went months without in- person visits. Gail Erskine said as of Tuesday, it had been exactly four months since she and her sister had been allowed to touch their mom.
The arrangement stands in stark contrast with pre- pandemic rules that allowed patients to have visitors at any time.
Homes began offering outdoor visits in May after the federal agency that oversees the facilities issued guidelines loosening some restrictions. In early June, the Connecticut DPH issued guidelines for outdoor visits with patientswho test negative for COVID- 19.
Federal guidelines say nursing homes should not re- open until the facilities have gone 28 days without new cases of COVID- 19, along with other benchmarks. So far, none of the Connecticut homes have reached that mark, Painter said.
But some families feel the outdoor visits are not enough.
During a recent question- and- answer forum Painter held with relatives of nursing home patients, family members repeatedly asked about issues related to the visits being restricted to outdoors and at a distance.
Several asked why they could not cut their family members’ hair while visiting outdoors. At least one asked when they would be able to hug their relatives again.
“What do I do when it gets cold?” one woman asked during the Q& A, which was broadcast on Facebook Live.
Painter said it is something that will need to be addressed.
“It is something that I’m going to be advocating for and really pushing for as we get there. You know, I know it’s July now, but it’s gonna be cold before we know it and I don’t want to be sort of playing catch up,” she said.
Gail Erskine, who also works at a nursing home, said being hugged or held can help patients with dementia, like her mother, remember who their loved one is. She said she’s concerned about the lack of social activities for patients, such as communal dining.
To patients with dementia, the lack of visits can feel like abandonment, she said.
“All they know is ‘ my family doesn’t love me any more because they don’t come and visit me,’” Gail Erskine said.
“Make me do the testing, make me wear all the proper gear, so I can go in and give my mom a hug — I can’t quarantine for 14 days because I have to work,” she said. “I don’t know what the answer is, but there needs to be some kind of compromise.”