Dad who died from COVID leaves ‘ hole’ in family
BROOKFIELD — It was in mid- march that Sean Henderson came down with a fever, unable to reduce it with medication. He had not been coughing and he wasn’t feeling a shortness of breath, so while the country was at the early onset of the coronavirus pandemic, Henderson did not think he had the disease.
His doctor and an urgent care facility convinced Henderson to go to Danbury Hospital’s emergency room, where he was later discharged.
The next day, however, he was ordered back.
His wife, Megan Henderson, remembers dropping him off that Saturday at the emergency room and the hospital staff bringing him in.
“That was the last I saw him,” she said. “Well, until he died.”
Sean Henderson, 54, died April 11 at Danbury Hospital. He is among the 4,492 people in the state and nearly 200,000 nationally who are confirmed to have their deaths associated with coronavirus.
In the months since, his family and friends, like others who have grappled with the deaths of loves ones amid the coronavirus pandemic, have looked to move forward even as the health crisis continues.
A data programmer at Amphenol in Danbury, Sean Henderson was also a community volunteer and performed in two local bands. He was involved in the Danbury Area Computer Society and an active member of the Danbury Hackerspace since its founding, said Mike Kaltschnee, a friend and executive director of the Hackerspace.
Sean Henderson built an impressive double- neck guitar at the Hackerspace and was always willing to help others with their projects, Kaltschnee said.
“I can’t tell you what kind of hole that’s left in our community,” he said.
The same could be said with his former bandmates, including Lisa Threatte, who is known by her stage name Lisa Maroon. He texted his bandmates from their group Charm City Exiles from the hospital bed.
“In hospital, if this all goes south I want you guys to know you were good friends,” Threatte said he wrote.
Threatte and her husband called immediately and said Sean Henderson seemed worried. Threatte said she tried to stay positive. He sent her the song he wanted her to sing at his funeral. He didn’t get one.
“We couldn’t have a funeral,” Threatte said. “We couldn’t talk to him. We couldn’t hug his kids.”
Insightful and supportive
Sean Henderson grew up in Los Angeles and moved to New York City to try to make it in the music industry. That was tougher than he realized, so he started working with computers, Megan Henderson said.
“He was passionate about music,” she said. “He just loved all music and he was so talented musically.”
Megan Henderson, a special education teacher at Brookfield High School the last eight years, previously taught in New York City, where she and Sean met at a bar at the World Trade Center in 1995.
He later told her he was watching her because she was the only one in jeans and a shirt, while everyone else was in business attire. She was intrigued by him because he was a long- haired musician.
“He was very different than any other guy I had ever dated,” she said.
They dated for four years before marrying in 1999. They enjoyed hiking, reading and— before having kids— traveling.
The couple has four children: 18- year- old twins Liam and Tobin, 13- year- old Conor and 12- year- old Kate. The twins graduated from Brookfield High School about two months after their father’s death. They attend University of Rhode Island.
To Megan Henderson’s surprise, Sean cut his long hair shortly after the twins were born.
“Well, I’ve got to have Dad hair now,” Megan Henderson recalled him telling her.
His two younger children recalled his “Dad jokes,” such as “How do you like your meat?” “By a chef.”
At restaurants, they would have drawing contests on napkins, Kate said.
“He would always beat me, but we still liked doing it,” she said.
When away from the family, Sean Henderson was known for helping others, including being the person others would go to for questions at the Hackerspace.
“He was insightful, very supportive and not afraid to say when he didn’t know,” said Chris Furey, a board member on the Hackerspace, who also books the bands for CityCenter Danbury’s summer concerts.
The two bonded over their quiet personalities and love of computers and music, Furey said. They had a friendly competition over who could listen to the most eclectic music. Often, Henderson won, Furey said.
In addition to the Charm City Exiles, he also performed in a band called Dan’s Garage.
“For the most part, he was an introvert, except when he got on stage,” Megan Henderson said.
Threatte described him as a “versatile” musician.
He challenged her musically when she got cocky and encouraged her when she played poorly, Threatte said.
“One of the things I’ll really miss is how much he supported me,” she said.
Threatte said Henderson was committed to his volunteer work through the Knights of Columbus.
“We’d do a gig and be up all night and he’d get up the next day and volunteer with Dorothy Day at the crack of dawn,” she said.
Getting sick
Sean Henderson’s condition escalated quickly in the hospital. Megan Henderson talked to him Sunday morning and he was not coughing. By Sunday night, he was put on a ventilator. At one point, he was taken off the ventilator, but went into cardiac arrest, so they intubated him again, she said.
Meanwhile, Megan Henderson was trapped in their bedroom with her own COVID- 19 symptoms, mostly nauseousness. Megan was unable to get a test and forced to isolate from her children for two weeks.
She taught virtually and spent time watching Netflix’s “The Crown.” She was not used to being alone and unable to take care of their children.
“Nighttime was really bad,” she said, starting to cry. “It still is. The bed is really big.”
Her children took turns bringing her food and water, but were left to take care of themselves.
“It was ‘ Lord of the Flies’ down here,” Henderson said. “A couple broken pots and pans and a remote control later, the kids somehow survived.”
She cut her isolation a day short because she “couldn’t take it anymore,” she said.
Twice, the family Facetimed him while he was unconscious. The first time, the kids did not know what to say. The second time, Megan Henderson had each kid rehearse something.
The hospital gave daily updates. “When they call you on the home phone, it’s bad,” she said, wiping her eyes and crying. “So they called me on the home phone, that’s when I knew.”
Dressed in personal protective equipment, she was allowed to be in the room when he died.
“It was tough to see someone dead, but it was nice that they let me in,” she said. “I know there’s a lot of people out there that weren’t allowed to be with their loved ones in the nursing homes.”
Her husband had been healthy and did not have underlying conditions.
“The hospital did everything they could,” she said. “No one knew what to do with this and I don’t think anyone knew what to do with him.”
She does not know how he got sick. She has antibodies for the virus, but the twins do not. The bandmates didn’t get sick, although they performed with him two days before he got a fever.
‘ Sean isn’t here’
The couple’s 21st wedding anniversary was Aug. 14 and his birthday was Sept. 1.
“I cried a lot,” Henderson said. “I tried not to do much.”
For their anniversary, the kids framed old photos of the couple and family. Without knowing it, the children picked out some of her favorite memories, she said. They included pictures from the couple’s trip to Ireland, the family’s vacation to Paris for her 50th birthday and the two at the restaurant around the corner from where they lived in New York City.
The community started a GoFundMe page and meal train for the family.