Throw some love at Conn. Republicans
Here’s my prescription for the political life of Connecticut going forward.
Be super- nice to Republicans. Bomb them with love.
Hey, Eric Berthel! The car’s looking extra sharp today! You got the Ford Titanium package, right? With the heated steering wheel? I bet that’s great on these cold mornings, dude. Smart choice. Have a terrific day.
Now, in the old days, we’d still be sweating the fact that Eric, who won reelection as a state senator representing 10 towns, three of which end in “- bury,” had a QAnon sticker on that Ford earlier this year.
Now, we don’t care! We will totally let this thing slide. We won’t even joke about it. “Wanna come check out car? I’ve got Adrenochrome in the glove compartment. Momma don’t take my Adrenochrome away!”
Adrenochrome is a compound which QAnonists believe is consumed by the liberal elites after being harvested from the pituitary glands of children. This is a vicious lie. You can totally get vegan, locally sourced Adrenochrome, and — take it from me — it is just as good.
No way do we make that joke! Anyway, he apologized and said he was interested in the non- crazy parts of QAnon
It does not make any sense to be anything but nice to the Republicans. Also — I’m kind of serious about this — I recently discovered something that probably everybody else has always known. If you want somebody to be different, you tell them they already are the way you want them to be.
which is like those guys who used to say they bought Playboy for the terrific journalism.
Look who’s coming down the corridor. The two Kevins! Are you guys having a good day? I hope so!
One- sixth of the state Senate Republican minority is named Kevin. There are 12 senators. Sen. Kevin Kelly ( Stratford and some other places) is their newly elected leader, and Sen. Kevin Witkos ( Canton and some other places) finished second. Two nicer Kevins you could not ask for, and I am not saying one word about their voting records.
The thinking here is: bygones. Yes, we could go on and on about how they never put any daylight between themselves and the corrupt, sociopathic, snuffling babyman in the White House, who, I assume, will be a barking mad and highly litigious lame duck by the time you read this.
It would have been nice if any of them had spoken up, but we don’t insist on it here in the Nutmeg ( an early form of Adrenochrome) State.
Connecticut Democrats have a 98- 53 edge in the House and 24- 12 in the Senate. We have a Democratic governor who can do almost anything he wants because we have given him superpowers. All seven active Supreme Court justices are Democratic appointments.
It does not make any sense to be anything but nice to the Republicans. Also — I’m kind of serious about this — I recently discovered something that probably everybody else has always known. If you want somebody to be different, you tell them they already are the way you want them to be.
“Vinnie, you’re so reasonable and such a good listener, I can’t wait to talk to you about legalizing recreational marijuana.”
I can’t believe I didn’t know about this until now. It works close to 100 percent of the time. Even with family members
Hey, is that Tami Zawistowski I see before me? Are those new glasses, girl? Because you are rocking them. Let’s grab some coffee and talk about how we can go after those canola pirates.
Zawistowski is a representative from Suffield and some other places, and she is a thought leader — I’m going to say thought leader — in the area of toughening criminal penalties against people who steal used cooking oil.
Quit laughing. This is a serious problem and a threat to our economic vitality. The problem with Zawistowski’s earlier proposal was that it quadrupled the criminal penalties without setting any minimum amount of cooking oil, so the mastermind of the French ( Fry) Connection would be treated the same as some random dude with three jugs of used Wesson in his car and no solid explanation.
It doesn’t matter. We’ll work it out this time. We’ll decriminalize pot and criminalize pots of grease. Because yes, Rodney, we can all get along.
OK, I’m running out of Republican legislators whose names I know, even though there are 65 of them. If you needed any more proof that we have way too many state legislators, consider that state Republican candidates were crushed like baby snails in the jaws of turtles and yet somehow there are still 65 left.
Hey, Bob Stefanowski! You dropped a few pounds, right? Been working out? What I like about you is that you are so much more than just a guy who says no every time Ned says yes. So much more!
This is how I’m going to act from now on.
But first I have to go to an Adrenochrome rehab place and get clean.