Hey, dum-dum, it’s right next to you

The arrogant adolescent is a stable of teen horror films. I can’t think of too many slasher films of my Farrah-feathered-hair era that didn’t include such a maddening character.

You know the type. A gaggle of teenagers finds themselves in harm’s way, and they’re screamrushing from whatever-it-isthat’s-chasing-them, only to be interrupted by that one jock or cheerleader (apologies to both groups) who insists the rest of the teens are being silly, that there’s no monster out there. Precious time is wasted while we, the audience, watch a hurried kind of democracy in action, where teenagers argue over whether to keep running (as their instincts and good sense tell them to do) or whether they should stop, turn around and face the —well, that’s the question on the table, isn’t it?

In those heated seconds, the group hurriedly discusses their options, and alliances are formed and broken. This is a group with a mission — in the case of the larger group, saving themselves, and in the case of the dissenters, saving their ego. Meanwhile we, the audience, sit with the dreadful knowledge that just down the steps and right around the corner, the threat of a horrible end draws closer. So, we start to fidget and yell at the screen (“Run, stupid, run!”) as the music builds and the well-coiffed fly in the ointment continues to argue that, really, there’s no such thing as ghosts, and they all should just turn around and go ho—

And then, the shiny blade comes down, the self-important adolescent’s head rolls off, and the theater erupts in shrill screams.

Classic. And both entertaining and predictable as sunset. We have seen this movie already, and now that we are living it, it’s not nearly as entertaining as I remember.

Here in Connecticut, we have 400,000-plus cases of COVID, with a positivity rate of under 2 percent, which is enviably low. But that we still must track COVID cases and get boosters and remain socially distanced at this late date is something we can lay directly at the feet of the contemptuous adolescents among us, the ones who insist they don’t need vaccines because their natural immunity will save them, the ones who slap “Unmask Our Kids” bumper stickers onto local stop signs. At a time when we should be talking about the pandemic in the past tense, we are still struggling with this killer virus because of the arrogance of a handful who, by not getting vaccinated and not living by pandemic protocols, bring the threat closer to all of us.

Is it any wonder we’re fidgeting? You can read thousands of articles about the infodemic of pandemic misinformation that has helped move us here, but all those lies about the vaccine would be nothing more than so much silly entertainment — like the “National Inquirer” — if people used their common sense. Instead, we are nearing 740,000 dead nationwide from the virus. For some perspective, that is as if every person in Hartford, New Haven. Waterbury, Stamford, Bridgeport, Danbury and most of Manchester had died in the last 19 months.

Of course, it is a bedrock rule that we allow that one voice of dissent to stop the proceedings while we all ponder the uniquely bad idea of ignoring a virus. It is why the Supreme Court can hand down such confounding decisions in First Amendment cases. Instead of protecting the collective, we have learned that this emphasis on individual rights — the right to ignore science — puts the community at peril. In fact, antivaxxers, anti-maskers, there is such a thing as a bad idea. You’re awash in it.

I can remember sitting in the theaters in the long-ago yelling at the group to stop talking already and to start running. I feel that way now. These unmasked, selfish adolescents have upended life for the rest of us. It’s why the federal government won’t mandate a vaccine for all of us, and not just federal employees. It’s why Board of Education meetings keep getting disrupted by the bleating masses who hold up misspelled signs, who continue whistling past the graveyard — dragging the rest of us with them — while the monster is just an unwiped door handle away.

Just once, as I sat there brushing back my Farrah bangs during those silly movies, I wanted the collective to make a good decision and then have everybody stick to that decision. I recognize that that, of course, is not great cinema. Cinema depends on conflict. If we’re all skipping down the road together in happy agreement, where is the dramatic arc?

But if conflict makes good cinema, it makes for a lousy world. Don’t run, stupid. Get the vaccine. And wear your mask. Salvation is just around the corner, if you use your head.