‘The devil was on my back for a while’

Broncos receiver Hamler details mental health struggles of offseason

Showing braveness and vulnerability, Broncos receiver KJ Hamler on Monday detailed the mental health struggles he battled during the offseason, one full of rehabilitation from a left ACL injury and compounded by the death of his beloved grandmother.

“The devil was on my back for a while,” said Hamler, who was activated from the physically unable to perform list, making him eligible to practice. “It’s been a tough journey. There was just so much stuff I was dealing with that was being piled up on top of each other and on top of each other.

“At one point, I didn’t want to be in this world. I didn’t want to be on earth anymore because I love my (grandmother) and (her death) really hurt me.”

Hamler sustained a knee injury last September; his grandmother died three months after his surgery. The ups and down of rehabilitation, he could handle. Dealing with the loss of a loved one was much harder.

“That was the lowest point of my life, hands down,” he said.

Hamler said his initial way to deal with the depression was to keep his feelings to himself.

“I didn’t want to talk to nobody,” he said. “I was in this little cocoon, wrapped up, and kept everything to myself. As a man, we always talk (about) being tough. … But sometimes, you have to let it out. I’m just starting to learn that now. I wish I would have never handled it (by) myself. I wish I would have asked for help (earlier).”

Hamler said he began therapy and also made a point of talking to his parents and teammates more often.

“To see me dig out of it and start becoming vulnerable and opening up more to people I trust, I’m just learning day in and day out and I’m glad I’m still here and still with the team,” he said. “God gave me the strength to get out of that hole and he knew I was strong enough to get through it; I didn’t feel like I was at the time.

“Getting out of that hole is very hard, just having all these things going on. It was a hard process, but to see where I started and where I’m at now, I’m proud of myself and I know my grandmother is proud.”

On the field, Hamler is allowed to participate in walk-throughs and do individual work because he is off the physically unable to perform list.

“It felt good getting back out there, finally,” he said. “I hadn’t put pads on in a year. You have to get back in a little bit (better) shape (with pads on).”

Said coach Nathaniel Hackett: “He had been working really hard. (We’ll) slowly work him back into practice because it’s still a while to get him into team reps.”