Cheating boyfriend claims he was hacked

DEAR AMY » A couple of days ago, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me.

I got into his iPad, which is connected to his messages, because I had a suspicious feeling because one of his ex- girlfriends had called him the night before. He shook it off as her wanting him back.

I found an entire text conversation, where he was clearly cheating on me. When I confronted him about it, he acted like he had never seen it before.

I broke up with him, but he still refuses to admit he did anything wrong, even after I messaged a different ex- girlfriend ( who I figured out he had also cheated on) as well as his mistress — who agreed to help me catch him.

They sent me proof. I don’t want to believe it’s real because he always talked about marriage and wanting kids, and he never showed any signs of not loving me.

I still love him and want to trust him.

He has plenty of enemies from his past that he claimed would love to hack him and ruin his life like this — yet, there’s so much evidence.

I’d like to hear your perspective. — Painful

DEAR PAINFUL » Someone can tell you he loves you, wants to marry and have kids with you — and still cheat.

Some people who are unfaithful are able to own, apologize for, and rectify their mistake with their partners. Building back trust takes time and tremendous effort, but it can happen.

However, from your description, your guy sounds like a serial cheater with an aptitude for drama.

You acted on your suspicions. Unfortunately, all of your fears seem to have been justified via your contact with other women ( you could open a detective agency, by the way).

The “my computer was hacked” excuse is just a modern version of “the dog ate my homework.” Yes, it is possible that a dog once ate a child’s homework, and that your boyfriend’s computer was in fact hacked, but it is extremely unlikely.

My insight is that someone who has

“plenty of enemies from his past” has likely earned his reputation the old- fashioned way: by lying, cheating, and gaslighting his way through relationships.

This is where you have to trust yourself, your judgment, and your instincts. None of his behavior is your fault, but if you choose to override your own judgment, then that’s on you.

DEAR AMY » “Desperate” declared that she was going to “take” her parents’ car keys if they didn’t agree to hide in their house during the pandemic.

Thank you for reminding her that she cannot just sweep into a household and control her folks’ movements. They have the right to make their own choices.

— Free Will

DEAR FREE WILL » ... Even if these choices are poor ones.