Loved one is heartbroken over ex’s profession

DEAR AMY >> I ended my engagement to my partner of just over four years right before the pandemic.

Recovering from my heartbreak was made so much worse by the quarantine, but I have moved forward.

I’m about to buy a house and am excelling in my career.

Recently, two mutual friends revealed to me that my ex has become a sex worker.

Hearing what he’s doing to himself and with his life disturbed me on a level I hadn’t anticipated.

During our relationship, he and I talked extensively about our dreams of being husbands and fathers.

When we broke up, I tried remaining friends with him, but every new lie and insult just reopened the wound I was trying to heal in my heart.

This new information has me hurting all over again in a new and sickening way.

I understand that heartbreak isn’t something that follows a guaranteed pattern to recovery, but I was shocked at how much this hurt me.

What advice would you offer to help me come to terms with the fact that he has abandoned his goals and instead seems to be resigning himself to be a product anybody with enough money can procure for a night?

— Somehow Still Hurt DEAR STILL HURT >> You say you shouldn’t care, but of course you should care — and you do care! You care because this was someone you loved and, I assume, still do love.

Your caring and concern are evidence of your abundant compassion and humanity.

I hope you won’t judge your former partner harshly. That won’t help either of you.

Love him from a distance through this tough time, and hope that he is taking care of his own health and well-being.

Unfortunately, you cannot make his choices for him — but you already know that.

DEAR AMY >> “Too Controlling?” wanted to bribe his granddaughters not to get tattoos.

Certainly, you are correct that the girls will see bribes as an opportunity to extract more money from Grandpa by being paid NOT to engage in risky behavior.

The better solution is known as the “opposite bribe” in which he “offers” to REDUCE their eventual inheritance for every tattoo that the girls get: Say for each tattoo inked, $10,000 is removed from their inheritance.

Grandpa would probably find his granddaughters losing interest in tattoos very quickly when a financial consequence is attached.

— The Better “Bribe”

DEAR BETTER >> Grandpa does not need to police his granddaughter’s skin at all, in my opinion. Therefore, financial coercion would not be necessary.