Sleuth wants to report adultery to friend

DEAR AMY >> My husband and I have two close friends: “Jack” and “Katrina,” who are married to each other and have two children.

We are often with them and with other couples at social functions.

I recently found out that Jack has been in a multi-year affair with another much younger friend of ours, “Martina.”

I spoke to both Jack and Martina and told them they need to come clean with Katrina.

They haven’t done that and continue their affair in secret. I know this because I drive by Martina’s house all the time, where I see his car parked in front.

I confronted them again. Jack said he hadn’t told Katrina, and didn’t intend to. They told me to mind my own business.

What should I do? My husband says I should stay out of it, but if I was Katrina, I would want to know that my husband was openly having an affair.

It is also very awkward to see Jack and Katrina at events, because it seems like I am complicit in the lie by acting as if I don’t know.

Should I tell my friend?

— Wondering

DEAR WONDERING >> You have tried mightily to interrupt this affair.

Even though your interference is excessive, I believe that yes, if you value your friendship with “Katrina,” you should tell her about this.

I agree with you that knowing about the affair for many months, puts you in the position of lying by omission.

You might gingerly raise this to Katrina by saying, “If ‘Jack’ was having an affair, would you want to know about it?” If she answers by asking, “Why? Do you know something?” You should say that you do.

She might say “Nope, I’m good.” If so, you should let things lie. DEAR AMY >> My daughter just got married and received a very expensive gift, which was shipped to her without any identifying information.

The wedding had approximately 85 guests, so she can narrow down who it may have come from to some degree.

What is the best thing to do?

She can ask guests that she has no record of a gift, and deal with the awkwardness of the fact that they may have sent nothing.

Or she can skip a thank you note, which will likely hurt the feelings of the gift giver.

Is there another way to handle this?

— Unsure Mom

DEAR UNSURE >> It is much better for your daughter to take a tiny and relatable social risk, rather than avoid the entire issue.

She should narrow down her list. She can send individual emails, or a group email and blind copy everyone, saying something like: “Please forgive the awkwardness, but I am trying to sort through the wedding gifts and packages we’ve received. One package which was shipped has no identification. If you sent a gift and your gift hasn’t been acknowledged, please let me know. We’d love to solve the first mystery of our marriage.”