A family grows apart

I am a 75-year-old widow with three adult children — two sons and one daughter. They all live within 20 miles of my house, where I live alone. We used to be very close to one another, getting together quite often. Among them I have seven adult grandchildren.

These three adult children slowly, through the years, became estranged from one another, and I don’t see anyone as often as I did in earlier years. They have separate lives and do not interact with one another. Nor do the grandchildren. This was so gradual that I don’t even realize when it happened. There was no isolated incident.

I lead my own life socially, trying to stay busy without depending on them for “entertainment.” I used to be invited to children’s birthday parties and holiday celebrations, and I used to host family parties in my own home or in restaurants.

Seeing as they never know what the others are doing, I believe they think another sibling is spending holidays with Mom, and hence, no one is. I need to plan my own “celebrations,” which amount to nothing at all.

I would like to move to a warmer climate, but when I mention it to any of them, they say they can’t believe that I would want to move away from family. I recently waited three weeks for one of them to stop by, hoping for help changing a ceiling light bulb. This wasn’t an actual emergency warranting a call to one of them, but if one of them had just stopped by, I could have made this request.

With my home life as such, should I move to make myself happy?

— Undecided

There is a saying that families are like branches on a tree. We grow in different directions, yet our roots remain the same.

Before you pack your flip-flops and bathing suits for warmer climes (which you are totally entitled to do), you have to talk to all three siblings and find out why they aren’t talking to one another. Repair those roots. And absolutely let your children know you’ve been spending holidays alone.

Once everyone is on better terms, you can plant your palm tree in a sunny place, with the understanding that you will come visit them and that everyone can come vacation with Mom.

This is in response to “Stuck Salesman,” who would like to get his college degree but needs to continue working as a car salesman to support his wife and baby. You are absolutely right that going to night school is a great option. But what about working evenings or mornings and going to day school?

When I was 28, I decided to go to college full time while supporting a wife and two kids.

I was told by naysayers I would be 32 by the time I graduated, which was “old.” I told them, “If I don’t do this, I’m going to be 32 in four years anyway — without a degree.”

Yes, it was tough, but with a loving family and the support of my wife, four years later, I walked across the stage, grabbed my diploma and never looked back.

Now, 35 years later, we laugh about not having two nickels to rub together in those days. Entertainment consisted of walks in the park or flying kites. But we had love and hope, and it sounds as if that’s what Stuck Salesman has. I just want to reiterate to him: Go for it. — Been There

ACROSS

1 Parent of

66-Across 11 Jobs creation 15 As it happens 16 It can tide you

over 17 Exercise regimen 18 Ending to avoid? 19 Commemorative

pillar 20 Accords 22 Piccadilly Circus

statue 25 Anesthetizes 26 Ramshackle 30 Refuse 31 Link letters 32 Thin feathered

flier 34 Pop music

sleepyhead 36 Youngest player to join the 600HR club 38 Snowmen? 40 Trade staple 41 Sore __ 43 Teeth in Torino 45 ICU VIPs 46 Transplant, in a

way 48 Iconic Ansel Adams photograph shot in Hernandez, New Mexico 50 Preserves flavor 52 Part of a Simon & Garfunkel quartet? 53 Railroad worker 55 Pass a second

time 59 Custom 60 Olympics event

since 2000 63 Seraph, to Sylvie 64 “The Decay of

Lying” author 65 Swamp thing 66 Child of 1-Across

DOWN

1 Contractors’

proposals 2 Body lang. 3 French wheel 4 See 6-Down 5 Region including

Napa 6 With 4-Down, Fred Gipson book that won a 1957 Newbery Honor 7 Tribe that met with Lewis and Clark in 1804 8 1987 Masters

champ Larry 9 Polish, in a way 10 Let 11 “It was a very

brief visit” 12 Education

innovator 13 Climbs 14 Mating game 21 Canal zones 23 Country music

venue 24 Brought into

being 26 Part of DINK 27 Likely to be off 28 A short

distance 29 Venerated 50 Openly hostile

symbol 51 Low bones 33 Skid row figures 54 Substance 35 Ultimatum end in the sea’s 37 Portrayed H2O 39 Old portico 56 Taylor of “Say 42 __ bottom Anything...” 44 Like some hairs 57 Time-half link 47 Drum kit 58 Outer cover

component 61 __ du pays: 49 Catch at the homesickness

shore 62 Historic leader? ANSWER TO PREVIOUS PUZZLE: xwordeditor@aol.com

There is a saying that families are like branches on a tree. We grow in different directions, yet our roots remain the same.