Sports are life

Daily Freeman (Kingston, NY) - - YOUR DAILY BREAK - An­nie Lane

My hus­band is a pas­sion­ate sports fan whose mood fluc­tu­ates with the per­for­mance of his teams. He has al­ways been pas­sion­ate about sports, since be­fore we started dat­ing. In the be­gin­ning of our re­la­tion­ship, he would co­or­di­nate dates around games and al­ways wanted to take me to games. I never en­joyed go­ing but would be sup­port­ive and go with him.

Now that we are mar­ried with chil­dren, this pas­sion has be­come in­creas­ingly frustrating to me. To watch the games, he will miss ac­tiv­i­ties with our chil­dren and me. He’s missed school events, our kids’ sport­ing events, my birth­day and even one of our an­niver­saries. I grew up with par­ents who came to ev­ery event, and I try to do this for our kids as well.

To make it worse, if his teams lose, his tem­per be­comes out of con­trol. He will re­main in a bad mood for a few days and be short with all of us. He has never been phys­i­cally vi­o­lent but will be ver­bally abu­sive. He’ll lis­ten to sports talk ra­dio and com­ment back to him­self, usu­ally in nasty lan­guage, in front of the kids.

He has tried to en­cour­age our chil­dren to share the love of fol­low­ing sports, but they’ve been in­dif­fer­ent to date, thank good­ness. I would like to in­ter­vene and help my hus­band be­come a calmer fan. How can I do this?

— Wor­ried Wife

Time to blow the whis­tle and call a foul; your hus­band’s sports ob­ses­sion has gone way out­side the bounds of what’s healthy.

He needs an in­ter­ven­tion. He is emo­tion­ally de­pen­dent on sports, and it is im­pact­ing your re­la­tion­ship and your fam­ily. Sit down with him and ex­plain to him the im­pact his ob­ses­sion is hav­ing. En­cour­age him to take a break from watch­ing the games and re­place the view­ing with ac­tiv­i­ties with the kids that will en­able him to re-en­gage in their lives and ac­tiv­i­ties. As with any ad­dic­tion, it won’t be quick or easy to break this habit. Be pos­i­tive with your hus­band, and al­low him to find the help he needs so he can be hap­pier about a goal scored by your chil­dren than one by his fa­vorite team.

A woman broke up with me a year ago, and we have been on good terms for the most part since then. I have since moved and re­cently came back to town to visit some friends. We run with the same groups, and I ran into her at a bar. She ap­peared fine, but soon af­ter leav­ing, she sent me a se­ries of an­gry, dis­ap­pointed texts be­cause I hadn’t told her I was com­ing into town and this ap­par­ent dis­missal had dug up a lot of old wounds for her. I was re­ally taken aback. I told her we could get cof­fee to talk about it in per­son the next day, but when she didn’t con­tact me, I just avoided it, I guess. When I got home, I con­tacted her through Face­book, try­ing to apol­o­gize, but it’s been a week and she hasn’t re­sponded. Was I wrong? — Sorry

You’re not ob­li­gated to be friends with any­one, and that goes dou­ble for exes. If what hap­pened dur­ing your visit “dug up a lot of old wounds,” she should be able to un­der­stand why you might not want to see her. And if she cared about the friend­ship so much, she wouldn’t have blown off your at­tempts to patch things up over cof­fee. I don’t know what her prob­lem is, but you’re not the one to fix it.

Time to blow the whis­tle and call a foul; your hus­band’s sports ob­ses­sion has gone way out­side the bounds of what’s healthy.

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