The Grope Re­port

Daily Freeman (Kingston, NY) - - OPINION - Will Durst Rag­ing Mod­er­ate Will Durst is syn­di­cated by Ca­gle Car­toons.

If ex­perts are cor­rect in say­ing Don­ald Trump needs women vot­ers to win the pres­i­dency, the last two weeks have been the worst for any po­lit­i­cal can­di­date since the sum­mer of 1984, when Michael Dukakis climbed into a tank and tried on a hel­met.

This elec­tion has es­ca­lated way past PG-13, quickly hur­dling both R and NC-17, and leap­ing into “Hands Over Your Ears Sing­ing the La-La-LaLa-La-La-La, I Can’t Hear You” song. Con­cerned par­ents are even en­cour­ag­ing their kids to play vi­o­lent video games rather than watch the news. “Smoke more dope.”

Ev­ery time we think this elec­tion has sunk to a new low, the aero­dy­nam­i­cally coiffed real es­tate mogul man­ages to dig an­other sub-base­ment. It’s like he’s try­ing to tun­nel to China.

The spike that punc­tured the most re­cent bag of sleaze spew­ing down on us was an 11-yearold video­tape from “Ac­cess Hol­ly­wood” in which the Don with the blonde frond bragged to the un­for­tu­nately named Billy Bush about sexual con­quest in terms as seamy as step­ping bare­foot onto a used con­dom.

The King of White Males re­lent­lessly in­tones that no­body respects women more than he, but many mem­bers of the fe­male pop­u­la­tion ques­tion whether be­ing grabbed by their pri­vate parts is re­ally the best way of prov­ing it. Many mem­bers.

Be­fore the video sur­faced, ex­pec­ta­tions for Trump in the sec­ond pres­i­den­tial de­bate were so low he could have been de­clared the win­ner sim­ply by re­frain­ing from throw­ing his own fe­ces at An­der­son Cooper.

But dur­ing the face-to-face fra­cas, Trump shrugged off his pro­fane slurs as mere locker room ban­ter, say­ing he was guilty of words not ac­tions, then overe­lab­o­rated un­til he seemed to im­ply the reason he brags about grab­bing women by the crotch is be­cause of ISIS.

Trump in­vited four Bill Clin­ton ac­cusers to join him in a pre­de­bate press con­fer­ence, prompt­ing the Clin­ton cam­paign to dis­cover four women who charged Trump with un­so­licited ad­vances, egre­gious grop­ing and all-around creepi­ness. The ob­vi­ous op­tion was to have the women of Team Trump face off against the women of Team Clin­ton in a pay-per-view steel cage match. And the win­ner got Ohio.

Un­for­tu­nately, the num­bers started grow­ing as women come for­ward daily with fur­ther sor­did Trumpian es­capades. Fif­teen sep­a­rate allegations have been chron­i­cled thus far. It’s got­ten to where you can al­most hear Bill Cosby turn to Camille and say, “Well hell, they can’t all be ly­ing.”

One woman who got bumped up to first class then groped by Trump vol­un­tar­ily went back to coach. As any trav­eler can tell you, that’s nu­clear dis­gust. Hope­fully she ate first. Trump’s de­fense against a cou­ple of the ac­cu­sa­tions is the women were too ugly for him to mo­lest, a clas­sic case of de­feat­ing your pur­pose.

One ma­jor take­away from this two-way, slime-sling­ing fest is that Amer­ica is des­tined to place a se­rial groper and chronic sexual as­saulter in the White House. Just de­pends on where you want him: up­stairs put­ter­ing around the pri­vate res­i­dences or be­hind the desk in the Oval Of­fice.

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