Trump is the Picasso of hogwash
The English language has a healthy share of euphemisms for lying. Fabrication. Falsification. Making stuff up. Inoperative statements. Alternative facts. Big fat fibs. Untruths. Puffery. Flummery. Fast-food advertising. NFL owner profit/loss statements.
But they all mean the same thing: Saying out loud things you know are not true. No matter which polite term you prefer, America in the middle of a lying renaissance. And we have President Donald Trump to thank for perfecting the practice of public prevarication to an art form. He is the Picasso of hogwash.
Throughout his career, Trump has deflected trouble by waving a bright shiny object, throwing it into a corner and yelling, “Hey what’s that over there?”
In the business world, The Donald erected huge TRUMP signs before reneging on promises and stiffing contractors. On the campaign trail, he shot out baseless allegations like a T-shirt cannon at minor league ballgame. Now, as president, cascades of groundless gibberish flow from him like rainwater off the Oroville Dam spillway.
Every politician lies, and both Bill Clinton and Richard Nixon got caught in whoppers, but not until their second terms. Trump has rocketed out of the gate as the least credible federal officeholder in history.
First, Trump claimed his inauguration was the most attended ever, when photos clearly reveal half of those that assembled in 2009.
He then accused 3 million nonexistent people of voting illegally, the exact amount he lost the popular vote by. Alternative facts are kissing cousins to alternative math; 2+2 is whatever he says it is, and 0+0 is 3 million.
Recently, the new president accused the old president, Barack Obama, of wiretapping Trump Tower. With no proof. At all. Even Trump’s own staff were quoted as saying, “What?” Then they were force marched onto TV to lob sparkly Christmas ornaments at weekend anchors and production assistants.
One reason Trump gets away with his fables and fakery is because the media has the attention span of a hover of hummingbirds in a green house on blossom day. Although people are questioning the provenance of his charges, nobody’s talking about his Russian connections anymore. Mission accomplished.
It’s a genius strategy that can work in real life as well. Think grade school, and get creative.
• Tell the boss the report is overdue because it was eaten by a pack of Tanzanian boars that have overrun your back yard. Even if you live in a high rise.
• Caught with someone else’s wallet? You weren’t stealing, but rather protecting their possessions from other unscrupulous persons by hiding the money in your pocket for safekeeping.
• Your spouse have naked photos of you in the arms of another? Total misunderstanding: this unfortunate person was suffering from hypothermia, and you were applying life-restoring body heat. Internally.