Never celebrated

I’ve been wanting to write to you about this for a while. About one-twelfth of people have December birthdays. Mine is in the second week of December.

When I was a child, my birthday celebration would get lost amid all the holiday events. It’d get mashed together with some big get-together or sometimes be pretty much forgotten. There was no event just to celebrate me.

I don’t think my birthday should have been any less celebrated than my parents’ and siblings’ birthdays, but it was. Some people’s birthdays are even closer to the 25th than mine, and they probably had it worse.

I realize I’m writing this to you in late March, but if I wrote to you in December and you chose to publish and respond in December, most likely nothing would change, even if some agreed with my viewpoint, because they’d be too busy at that point.

I’ve thought several times that maybe family and friends could plan something like a biannual birthday celebration for those of us whose birthdays get lost in the Christmas holidays. How wonderful it must be to have a celebration in which you are the guest of honor.

I am grateful for so much in my life, but it sure would be nice to at least once have a celebration just for me, which most others get. — December Baby

First, to anyone reading this and thinking that birthdays aren’t a big deal, don’t be so quick to judge. I bet you like to feel special on your birthday. Most everyone does.

Now, “December Baby,” you’ve already thought up a great solution: to observe your birthday on your halfbirthday. Are you waiting for your family and friends to develop mind reading capabilities? Tell them your idea! Or just start planning your party for mid-June and let everyone know. You’ll most likely have a blast.

And lastly, this is neither here nor there, but seeing as you mentioned it, I wanted to look into it: It turns out that statistically speaking, December is actually the least common birth month. Less than one-twelfth of the population was born in December. So you’re more special than you realized.

I am writing in response to “Birthday Non-Celebrations.”

There’s the golden rule: Do unto others as you’d like others to do unto you. Then there’s the platinum rule: Do unto others as others would like done unto them.

They’re not always the same.

Maybe her husband, like me, is an introvert and he puts up with her big parties and plans but really would prefer a much quieter birthday, with little to no fanfare. Many people, possibly including “Birthday Non-Celebrations,” just assume that what they want is what everybody would want. That is so not true!

It’s possible he’s doing the same thing: giving her the birthday he’d like to get, which is almost nothing at all.

It doesn’t sound as if they communicate much. And you picked up on that, too. She never says he seems to really like or appreciate the big shindigs she puts together for him. I know I wouldn’t.

I have read “The 5 Love Languages” and would also highly recommend it!

— Mel H.

I love that you shared the “platinum rule.” I think you can often pick up on what someone would like through context clues. For example, if you’re not sure what kind of gift a friend wants to receive, look at the kind of gift that friend gives. But I agree that the best way to figure out that sort of thing is through plain old conversation. This is especially true for romantic relationships. If you aren’t forthright about what you want and need from your partner, one miscommunication leads to another, until you look up and realize how far apart you’ve wandered.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@ creators.com.

ACROSS

1 Sounds showing

revelation 4 Actress Winger 9 Beer, casually 13 Speedy shark 15 Bars between

wheels 16 Travel aimlessly 17 Angling method using hand-tied lures 19 Bar orders 20 City recaptured from ISIL by Iraq in 2017 21 Sincerely 23 Hunk of concrete 25 Tic-tac-toe

diagram 26 Memorization

technique 29 One doing the

Electric Slide, e.g. 34 Brian of ambient

music 35 DDE’s WWII

command 36 Renter’s

document 37 Stinging

comment 39 Complains 42 Like the Magi 43 What the beverage cart blocks 45 Sellout letters 46 Brit. pilots’ squad 47 Hamburger meat 50 Beach or Backstreet follower, in music 51 At any point 52 Subway charge 54 Mark McGwire

rival 58 IHOP handouts 62 Furthermore 63 Beatles’ Shea Stadium performance, e.g. 65 Casino card

game 66 Steinbeck

migrants 67 Jekyll’s alter ego 68 Little League

airer 69 Nervous 70 One of an inning’s three, which can follow the first word of 17-, 29-, 47- and 63-Across

DOWN

1 Bedside toggle

switch 2 Angel’s overhead

circle 3 “The __ the limit!” 4 Prosecutors:

Abbr. 5 Prosecutor’s first

piece of evidence 6 Russian pancake 7 Back out 8 Home of primary

30-Down gods 9 Fresh from the

factory 10 Part in a play 11 Nights before 12 __ Virginia 14 Handy 18 Down with the flu 22 Yemeni money 24 Knighted

Guinness 26 Pack again, as

groceries 27 “We’re live!”

studio sign 28 Human trunk 30 Like Odin and

Thor 31 Egypt’s capital 32 Op-ed piece, say 33 Often submerged

shipping dangers 38 Lunar symbol for a very long time 40 Books’ opening

sections 41 Couch 44 Green-eyed

monster 48 Absolute ruler 49 Actress Shields 50 Tree that sounds like a summer vacation spot 53 Pres. pardoned

by Ford 54 Jewelry protector 55 “Sadly ... ” 56 Car sticker fig. 57 Whirl around 59 “So Sick” R&B

artist 60 Pakistani

language 61 “Cancel that

deletion” 64 Sugar suffix