Can’t forget about her

My family relocated the year I was entering ninth grade, and on the third day at my new school, as I was walking home, a girl I’ll call Ann ran up to my side, introduced herself and insisted on carrying my books to my home, some three blocks away. The next morning, Ann and three other girls waited on the sidewalk outside my house so they could walk to school with me. This went on for the entire school year.

In 10th grade, Ann was in very few of my classes but would show up in unusual places where I might be in the evenings, and I would then walk her home, though we never even held hands. In the spring of our senior year, the school held a sports banquet, and as I was departing and in line to shake hands with the baseball coach, I glanced to my right, and some 30 feet away stood Ann. She was alone and seemed to be staring at me. I came very close to doing a U-turn to see what was bothering her but kept going, and I haven’t seen her since that moment.

Recently, at a class reunion some 60 years later, her name came up in a trivia quiz, and I haven’t been able to forget about my last contact with her since. The image of her seemingly staring at me shows up in my feeble mind way too often.

I have had a wonderful life shared with my lovely wife for 54 years and don’t have any yearnings for Ann, but how does an old goat forget about her? — Losing My Mind

Taking a stroll down memory lane can actually be a healthy mental exercise, according to researchers at the University of Southampton. They have found that nostalgia can increase positive self-regard and decrease boredom, loneliness and anxiety. Relatedly, geropsychologist Geoffrey W. Lane has observed and written at length about the “antidepressant effect of reminiscence in older adults.”

That said, it sounds as if your preoccupation with Ann is bordering on unhealthy. At the very least, it’s bothering you enough that you wrote to me. Rather than attempt to put the memory out of your mind, analyze it. Try to discern what emotional nutrient it’s offering, and then work toward finding a source for that in the present. Memory lane is a nice place to visit, but it’s no place to live.

I am wondering whether you know of any organization that helps people who are dealing with addiction — whether it be themselves or someone they love — but doesn’t have anything to do with religion. I am agnostic, and I have many friends who are, too. But every rehab center and help source we have found requires one to hand things over to this higher power that we are not sure exists. How are we supposed to trust that? Is there a way for us to get help? — Don’t Buy It in Colorado

For what it’s worth, it is possible for agnostics and atheists to go through 12-step programs, as the only requirement when choosing your “higher power” is that it be something bigger than yourself. Still, people who are uncomfortable with the spiritual nature of such programs shouldn’t despair. There are other options. One is SMART Recovery. As stated on its website, “participants learn tools for addiction recovery based on the latest scientific research.” Find a meeting at https://www. smartrecovery.org. You might also consider LifeRing Secular Recovery. For more information, visit https://lifering.org.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www. creatorspublishing.com for more information.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

ACROSS

1 Actress Gilbert of “The Big Bang Theory” 5 “Lucky Jim”

author 9 “Be silent,” in

scores 14 Stagecraft aid 15 Email category 16 House 17 App opener 18 Director

Preminger 19 66-Across, e.g. 20 Competition

among insects? 23 2000 NBA MVP 24 Part of ENT 25 Cartesian

conclusion 28 Pit stuff 29 Rule by generations of insects? 34 City north of

Memphis 35 “The Lord of the

Rings” actor 36 Brand once pitched by Garfield, oddly 39 Fabric-dyeing

technique 42 “¿Cómo __?” 43 Macy’s

competitor 45 Minneapolis

suburb 47 Tiny but impressive insect? 50 One on first? 53 “__ tu”: Verdi aria 54 Fairy queen of

folklore 55 Bee-related 57 Deceptiveness of

insects? 62 Gathered

intelligence 64 Israeli carrier 65 Stagecraft

arrangements 66 Barclays Center,

for one 67 Barclays Center

team 68 Cherry or pear 69 Inclined to

ramble 70 Stun, in a way 71 In __: aligned

DOWN

1 Peg in a cask 2 One of two tarot

card groups 3 Small-space

renter 4 Sleep disorder 5 Starting 6 “Breaking Bad”

contraband 7 Enthusiastic

about 8 Saved 9 Greek restaurant 10 Help badly? 11 Is made up 12 Vanderbilt domain 13 Where many a

drive begins 21 Memorable first name in Olympic gymnastics 22 Vote against 26 Arguing 27 Mimic on a perch 30 Pen part 31 Coach

Parseghian 32 Tribal symbol 33 Whaling, say 34 Ireland’s largest

county 36 Tennis legend 37 Lascivious look 38 Binky 40 Uganda’s Amin 41 Modeling enthusiast’s purchase 44 Eventually 46 Picked-up 48 Runway safety

org. 49 Away 50 Vintage locale 51 Hurry 52 “Hold on” 56 Ones that have infested four puzzle answers 58 Advance 59 Court bargaining

chip 60 “Darn!” 61 Otherwise 62 Adage 63 Ace