What to do when there’s no reply

Iam a doctor and have a friend whom I see at medical conferences once or twice a year. We first met five years ago, and we get along great, especially because there was a time when we female doctors were rare. However, our friendship is very casual, and I don’t really consider her a close friend. I just think of her as someone I enjoy hanging out with during the conferences.

The problem is that when I sent her an email suggesting we get together for our usual luncheon on the opening day of the conference, she never replied. I’m not sure whether I offended her, though I honestly can’t think of anything I did that could have made her upset. I’ll admit that my feelings are hurt, and I’m even thinking about not going to the next conference, but then I think that’s silly. I am writing to see whether you have any suggestions.

— Scratching My Head

You should pick up the phone and call her. It is possible she never even saw your email. If she did, I’m sure there is a reasonable explanation for why she didn’t reply. If, for some reason, you did offend her, she can explain that to you, and you can decide whether to apologize or, if you think she’s wrong, look for a new luncheon partner at your conferences.

Iam disheartened by the letters I read about individuals who are suffering from hearing loss and refuse to seek assistance. When I incurred the trauma of going deaf, I was sure my situation was hopeless. My hearing aids were useless, and I was not a candidate for the surgical interventions that have given many others the ability to hear. I could not have been more wrong in my belief that I would never hear again. With the patient assistance of a doctor of audiology and my ENT specialist, I can now function reasonably well. The advances in technology are remarkable.

To the hearing-impaired individual, I would say, “Be patient.” It takes time to adjust. At first, the “new” sounds you hear may seem annoying, but they were part of your life prior to your hearing loss. Secondly, be sure to see a well-regarded ENT specialist and a qualified audiologist. They can offer options that far exceed what most people know to exist.

Of equal importance is the understanding of family and friends. Mine make sure they have my attention before speaking to me. They don’t begin talking while walking away or not facing me. They make allowances for my seating at a table or in a room, knowing that having a wall behind me — so light will illuminate their faces — is a big help. On the phone, they speak slowly and clearly, especially when leaving a voice message.

Being hard of hearing is a challenge for both the affected individuals and those with whom they interact. It requires effort by all involved. In my opinion, it is selfish for the hearing-impaired to not endeavor to maximize their hearing with whatever works for them. It is equally selfish for their family and friends to not attempt to accommodate the additional considerations that may help. They are cheating themselves and their family and friends of fuller and richer interactions. I am blessed to have a superb “hearing team” and an understanding group of family and friends, but I took the effort to get help and to educate others about my specific needs.

— T.L. Wagner Thank you for your insightful and eloquent letter.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http:// www.creatorspublishing.com for more information.

ACROSS

1 Tipping point 10 “The Screwtape

Letters” author 15 Nixon, in John Adams’ “Nixon in China” 16 Public perception 17 Smoking choices 18 Confuse 19 Org. with a tepee-shaped logo 20 Cowboy handle 21 Keep things as

they are 22 Seekers of a better life, perhaps 25 18th Dynasty Egyptian ruler, familiarly 26 Japanese flier that sponsors an LPGA major tournament 27 Scottish landscape feature 28 Director

Wiseman 29 Colorful gem 30 They often display two years 34 “Broad City”

co-star 35 Concert pieces 36 Cry for attention,

maybe 37 Horsefeathers 38 Source of tweets 41 Wayfarer’s rest 42 2013 Spike

Jonze film 43 It often involves getting a card nowadays 46 Family tree entry 48 Kaitlin’s “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” role 49 Chicago-toLansing dir. 50 Southernmost of the Inner Hebrides 51 Ringer’s

workplace 54 Easily crumbled 55 Leading by a lot 56 Safe places 57 “What a terrible

shame”

DOWN

1 Age of Enlightenment thinker 2 Composure 3 What’s inspired

by the ocean? 4 Whirl 5 Drain 6 Lacking

originality 7 Things to learn,

with “the” 8 “A Clockwork

Orange” antihero 9 Jazzman

Montgomery 10 Contain 11 Release 12 Roll in a pantry 13 Lesser Antilles

lizards 14 Of a dividing

membrane 21 It might end at

the sleeves 23 Expression

suppression 24 Put on again 25 Model 3

automaker 28 For real 29 “Be right there!” 31 First name of two

U.S. presidents 32 Mist 33 Pungent gas 34 Part of a golfer’s

skill set 35 Commencements 36 Low points 39 One that might

hold tips 40 Failure to make

good notes? 42 2003-’04 OutKast

chart-topper 43 Barred rooms 44 Adele hit that won three Grammys 45 Like oversized glasses, to some 47 Dining area 48 Think 51 Airport near D.C. 52 Grad student

jobs 53 “What have we

here?!”