The baby imposition

I find myself in an uncomfortable situation with a friend who just moved to our town this year with her husband and baby. Besides her two sisters who live here, we’re the only friends they have so far. I feel that she’s been taking advantage of me by asking for constant help with her baby. Her sister usually watches him once a week but has been tied up recently, so my friend asked me for help watching him last week for six hours. I said yes, thinking it would be a one-time favor. I’m not a baby person, and although this particular baby is very calm, I can’t get any work done when he’s awake (as I’m sure any mother knows).

Yesterday she asked me whether I would watch him again this week and the week after for the same amount of time. I felt stunned that she was asking again so soon. I didn’t know what to say and would have felt extremely uncomfortable turning her down at that moment, so I said yes once again. However, I’m extremely frustrated with her because it feels as if she thinks that her time and work are more important than mine or that because I work from home, she can use me as a free baby-sitting service. I have other friends who are mothers, even single mothers, yet I’ve never experienced such neediness or been asked for constant child care favors.

I know that I need to put a stop to this now so that it doesn’t continue to delay my work schedule or ruin our friendship. How do I explain to her in a polite but firm manner how I feel about her repeatedly asking for this favor, and how do I express that my not wanting to do this doesn’t mean I don’t want to be her friend?

— Not the Nanny “No” is the magic word that will set you free — free from undue obligations, free from regret and free from resentment. “As adorable and calm as your baby is, watching him is interfering with my productivity,” “I’m sorry, but I can’t keep baby-sitting” or any other polite variation of “no” will do just fine. Just be simple, direct and, most of all, prompt, because the longer you wait to say no the harder it will get. Don’t let fear hold you up. Your friend won’t get angry with you for setting boundaries, and if she does, she wasn’t much of a friend to begin with.

This is not a question but just my take on individuals who use excuses for being rude, being mean or exhibiting overall bad or even dangerous behavior to others or themselves.

I do understand that some people have certain conditions — e.g., attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, bipolar affective disorder and schizophrenia — and some blame their parents for a terrible childhood. I sympathize with those individuals.

But do all those people who are rude, are mean or exhibit bad behavior to themselves or others always have to have some “condition”? I think not! We all need to take responsibility for our own actions instead of blaming whatever or whomever. Maybe if they couldn’t blame it on something or somebody, they wouldn’t do it.

Some people are just mean and rude and show bad behavior because that’s the way they are, period.

— Tired of Excuses Though I don’t know exactly what prompted your letter, I agree that we should take ownership of our behavior. By that same token, though you can’t control whether another person is rude, you can control your actions and decide how or whether to engage with a person. When someone’s rude, consider it an opportunity to build your character. Walk away and you’ll be a better person than you were.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

ACROSS

1 Far direction? 5 Frankfurt’s river 9 Word repeated in a historic FDR quote 13 Formal “no” from

14-Across 14 White House VIP 16 Tomb Raider’s

__ Croft 17 Marmalade

ingredient 19 Takes the stage 20 Hunter

constellation 21 Violent

windstorm 23 Ceaselessly 26 City in Florida or

Italy 27 Sign near school

playgrounds 31 Geological period 32 __ trap 33 Bear in two

constellations 36 Symbol of rank 39 Former U.N. leader Hammarskjöld 40 Biblical song 42 Division on a

Clue board 43 Sardine holders 45 Philosopher __tzu 46 Theoretical lowest temperature 50 Brownish horse 53 Yarn 54 Mathematical

proposition 56 City near the

Great Salt Lake 59 Prego

competitor 60 “Careful now” ... and a hint to what’s hidden in 17-, 27- and 46Across 64 Turkmenistan

neighbor 65 Green __ 66 Actress Blanchett 67 Remain

undecided 68 “Haven’t decided

yet” 69 Topple from

power

DOWN

1 Bolivian leader

Morales 2 Prefix with

dynamic 3 Headliner 4 Weight-training

activity 5 Bar gadgets 6 Egg qty. 7 Bastille Day

saison 8 Fall color 9 Diving gear 10 Prop for Picasso 11 Came up 12 Flies off the

handle 15 Shorthand

expert, for short 18 Cause for an

“Oops!” 22 “Don’t be such a

baby!” 24 Must 25 Nuts and bolts,

so to speak 27 Cotillion girl 28 Katy Perry hit with the lyric “Louder, louder than a lion” 29 PC command

after an “Oops!” 30 Hershey bar in a red-and-yellow wrapper 34 Mall event 35 Bygone apple

spray 37 Skirt 38 Fireplace bit 41 Sound from the

pasture 44 Stuck with, as a

friend 47 Wintry mix

component 48 Therefore 49 Bayou music style 50 __ mining 51 Midwestern hub 52 Lear daughter 55 Half a fish 57 Jacob’s twin 58 Quibbles 61 Bottom line 62 Singer Sumac 63 Saigon holiday