Mom, that’s gross

My mother is 82 years old. I love her greatly and know I’m lucky to still have her in my life. All my siblings live out of state, so my husband and I have Mom to our house for dinner and games once a week, which we all enjoy. There’s an issue, however, with which I need your help.

Mom seems to have lost her sense of appropriate grooming habits in front of others. For one, she picks at scabs all the time, although I’ve gently — and then more assertively — asked her not to. Every time I see her doing this, I ask her to wash her hands with soap, but she dismisses my requests.

Another issue is that she doesn’t like denture adhesives, so she usually uses her finger to wipe out food that gets trapped in the gaps. Sometimes she’ll use a fork to try to scrape things out, which is not much better. I’ve asked her to go to the bathroom (only 10 feet away), where she could remove her dentures and rinse them thoroughly, but she refuses.

I love her so dearly, and yes, I know she may have a compulsion, but I’m to the point where I don’t think I can invite her for dinner anymore. She goes to the senior center for lunches during the week but doesn’t cook, and we like to make sure she gets healthful food over the weekend. (We send leftovers home with her.)

These years together in the latter part of her life should be treasured, but I’m being robbed of them, and I feel both angry and guilty for not being able to tolerate her behavior.

She reads your column. Maybe you can get through to her and others about the inappropriateness of these things. Please remind us all of proper grooming habits for public and private places. — Wish She’d Stop As your mom ages, she may find it more challenging to complete simple tasks such as showering and brushing her teeth and hair. Very often, people in their 80s tire more easily or get cold or hot sooner than the rest of us. If they have dementia, a multistep task can feel overwhelming. What you are describing seems less like personal daily hygiene and more like completely inappropriate behavior that must be addressed. I’d suggest that you have her assessed for dementia. If this is new behavior, then it is pretty clear that she has some form of mental deterioration that is causing her to act so inappropriately at the dinner table.

I am very disappointed with your advice to avoid doing business with friends. I am a real estate agent; would you advise me to never make any friends at all so that I am free to do business with anyone? How ridiculous of you to make such a statement. Half of my business has been with my friends over 15 years. — Disappointed You’re right. Though I think it’s an area into which people should proceed with caution, it’s possible and sometimes very positive to do business with friends. That statement was a bit rash and over-generalizing. I’m printing your letter to correct the record.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www. creatorspublishing.com for more information.

ACROSS

1 Muslim veil 6 Behind us 10 Fashion’s

de la Renta 15 Self-__: personally mindful 16 Trade show 17 Eclipse shadow 18 Synagogue scroll 19 Paella morsel 20 In poor taste 21 *LeBron’s sport 24 Cereal mix 27 NASDAQ locale 31 Play a part 32 *Insect used in

genetic research 37 Hither partner 38 Plural medical

suffix 40 NYC gallery

district 41 Lewd material 42 Primary source of income ... and words that can precede the two parts, respectively, of the answers to starred clues 47 Part of town, in

slang 48 Street 49 Branch of mechanics concerned with forces in equilibrium 52 Loving 55 Frying liquid 56 *Glazed morning

snack 59 Watery expanse 60 Fracas 62 Hammer head 63 Blender selection 65 Diva’s delivery 66 *Form a queue 68 Teen anti-DWI gp. 69 Didn’t stay 70 Of a battery

terminal 71 Small ocean

landmass 72 Mid-month date 73 Pathetically tiny, as a sum of money 74 Tourney ranking

DOWN

1 Boater or bowler 2 “Letters From __

Jima”: 2006 film 3 Pickle container 4 Many Yemenis 5 On __ of: for 6 Quarter of a

bushel 7 Wheel connection 8 Squabble 9 Mausoleum 10 Expenditure 11 Word before fry

or potatoes 12 Network with its

HQ in Ottawa 13 18-Across holder 14 Bit of sunlight 22 Title of respect 23 Hole-making tool 24 Chinese

chairman 25 State school near

L.A. 26 Immortality 28 Tick-borne illness named for a Connecticut town 29 Mouth-puckering 30 Explosive for

Wile E. Coyote 33 Springsteen’s

“Born in the __” 34 Physicist’s

particle 35 Divinity sch.

degree 36 Watch chain 39 Senate position 41 Lead actress 43 Put up with 44 Art style seen in Miami’s South Beach 45 Pakistani

language 46 Friendly horn

sounds 49 Horn of Africa

native 50 Like big wedding

cakes 51 Flat on one’s

back 52 Once-a-year

flower 53 Pine dropping 54 Wandered

(about) 57 Italian salami

city 58 Obeys 61 Diner grub 64 Three-pronged

Greek letters 66 Beat a hasty

retreat 67 Tissue layer

As your mom ages, she may find it more challenging to complete simple tasks such as showering and brushing her teeth and hair.