Roommate’s problem cat

A few months ago, I signed a lease on a house with my friend “Bob.” At first, I was excited that Bob has a cat, “Whiskers.” I have always wanted a pet but just can’t commit to taking care of one and can’t really afford one.

However, for the past month or so, Whiskers has been “thinking outside the litter box.” She’s urinated on my bed, on my clothes in the hamper, on my rug. I’ve bought every “miracle” product there is to remove the stains (and Bob reimbursed me for them). For the most part, I’ve been able to remove the stains, but there’s just this vague bad smell throughout a lot of the house that I can’t seem to get rid of.

I’ve asked Bob what the deal is, but he just shrugs. He apologizes but says it’s hard to control a cat. He scoops the litter box every day and changes it out completely once a week, so that’s not the issue.

I am seriously considering moving out and subletting my room to someone else — though I’m not sure who would want to live in a place that smells, with a cat who might ruin their stuff. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

— Kitty Conundrum

It’s not normal for cats to go outside a clean litter box. According to the veterinarians with whom I consulted, this often indicates underlying illness, such as a urinary tract infection, urine crystals or bladder stones, which can be fatal if left untreated. Whiskers is most likely in a great deal of pain right now, even if she doesn’t show it. (Cats are stoic creatures who don’t let on when they’re suffering.) Bob needs to treat this as an emergency and get her to a vet — stat.

I am responding to “Where Is the Love?” — who wrote about people getting upset about her autistic grandson’s being loud at a restaurant. I am a young adult and, like “JT,” autistic. I thought I’d share my view. JT’s family needs to be aware of legal protections for those with disabilities and be prepared to fight on behalf of JT, especially once he enters school.

Aside from protecting him from illegal discrimination, the most important thing is showing JT love. Events such as what happened at the restaurant can bring a lot of shame into your family or JT himself over time (and yes, autistic kids can notice negativity directed toward them). Supporting JT’s emotions and his needs is key. It may be tempting to try to keep JT from behaving abnormally in public; however, I do not recommend this. If he is not hurting himself or others, minimize how much you try to stop this behavior, as it is a vital way JT communicates, expresses his emotions and personality, and self-regulates emotions and sensory input. Speaking from experience, I know that attempts to stop harmless but odd behavior in autistic kids can lead to frustration, shame and depression and can spur destructive or selfharming behavior in their attempt to receive the emotional outlet and sensory regulation that they were deprived of. I know it can be expensive, but if possible, having the family and/or JT receive help from a therapist could be very beneficial. Occupational therapy helps with many physical aspects of autism, such as speech impediments, fine motor skills and sensory input.

Whatever else, JT needs to know that his home is a safe place to be all of himself, not just the socially accepted parts. I hope people read our letters and consider how well they actually do treat “different” people. — Different and Glad to Be

Thank you so very much for taking the time to write in. Your perspective is invaluable.

“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and ebook. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

ACROSS

1 Biting 5 Hooded African

menace 10 One may be

strapless 13 Put on board 14 Girl Sebastian is referring to in the song “Kiss the Girl” 15 Poke 16 Walks caused by

walks, perhaps? 19 Snatches 20 Always there 21 Aware of 22 “Battle of the

Sexes” co-star 24 Dealer’s order 26 Small grove 27 Close one 28 Fowl pole 30 Graham who co-founded The Hollies 34 11th-century

navigator 36 Occasion to spiff

up 39 Mother of the

Titans 40 App with pics,

familiarly 42 Light color 43 Cozumel coins 46 Impatient 48 Rests 52 Oct. 2017 Dodgers-Cubs matchup 53 Mine carriers 54 “Did it start

already?” 57 Lose it 59 Imitated 60 King, e.g. 61 “Hamilton” Tony winner Leslie __ Jr. 62 Cantina

condiment 63 Convenient app

for some drivers 64 Scandinavian

capital

DOWN

1 Baja’s opposite 2 Creamy pasta

dish 3 “That was a fact!” 4 Appoint as a posse member, say 5 Drudge online 6 Cropped up 7 Sch. in the 2008

film “21” 8 Monstrous

creatures 9 Microbrewery

fixture 10 Mars in music 11 Journalist Farrow 12 Puzzle 15 Presage 17 Rubs clean 18 Private meal? 23 Mic holders 24 Take down __ 25 Shih-__: mixed

breed 29 Introductory

French course 31 Holdings for

many seniors 32 Aid in changing a

light bulb 33 Lamarr of

“Boom Town” 35 One side of New England’s Bourne Bridge 37 Some NBA

periods 38 Red wine

substance 41 Govt. code

crackers 44 Hairy Genesis

son 45 “Being and Nothingness” author 47 Overly 48 Forum wardrobe 49 South American

cornmeal cake 50 __ One: vodka

brand 51 Harness race

horse 55 1981 TV groom 56 Ticklish doll 58 Grapefruit League locale: Abbr.