Wanting to reconcile
My younger brother lives many states away. Sadly, about five years ago, he decided that I had caused him many sorrows and pains, so he chose to stop contact. He said little about what I had done or said to cause that decision.
I miss him and his family a lot and have tried to reconcile. He simply does not respond. I have apologized a lot, even not knowing how I hurt him. He did say that I hurt him badly, but he is hurting me badly now. And after five years, I recall very little.
I feel sad for myself and for the rest of his family, especially at our age. Both of us are not in the best of health, and I do get concerned about the death of one of us. And I miss his family a lot, especially my nieces and nephews, who have more or less stayed silent, too. I have not been invited to family weddings. I think stubbornness runs in our family. I am not sure that I can do anything else to effect a change, so I just pray. I am embarrassed to say much to other relatives and mutual friends. Just let your readers know that mending such relationships is a very wise thing to do. — Missing My Brother I agree that one should mend family relationships whenever possible. I only have your side of the story here (one of the tricky things about writing this column), so I can’t comment on your brother’s decision. However, I can say that you should never apologize for something when you don’t even know what you’re apologizing for — because you can’t possibly mean it, and people can see through that type of apolog y.
Take a good, long look at your behavior. Were you overly critical of him? Did you insist on bringing up politics or another contentious subject? Did you try to control him or make demands of him? Those are reasons I’ve heard in the past from people who have cut family members off. If you still don’t know what you might have done, you can tell him as much and again say you’d really like to talk to him and try to make this right. In the end, it’s his decision. But try to find some peace in prayer and the knowledge that you’ve done all you can.
Boy, did the letter from “Exhausted by the Onslaught” hit home. It is no surprise to me that 57 percent of people surveyed reported “significant stress” about the current political climate. It has divided family and friends beyond belief. I’m not going to get into the politics, but what I’ve found is it helps to turn off the TV, get off the internet and take a break from all of it. For those who need to know the news like me, I suggest one half-hour of national news of your choice once a day. When it comes to TV and the internet, look for positive and happier subjects to view. Even my therapist has suggested this. Trust me; it works!
— Controlling the Onslaught in Florida Those are all great habits that I wholeheartedly endorse. Glad you’ve managed to control the onslaught rather than let it control you.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and ebook. Visit http://www. creatorspublishing.com for more information.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators. com.
ACROSS
1 Capital in Canada and Colombia? 4 Struggle with “s”
sounds 8 Puts on, as a
show 14 Suffix with form 15 “Otello” solo 16 Red, white and
blue 17 *NYSE nickname,
with “The” 19 Reversed, as a
deed 20 British __ 21 Depended (on) 23 __ butter: cosmetic moisturizer 24 *“I Want You to
Want Me” band 28 Walter of “The Odd Couple” (1968) 30 Versatile vehicle,
for short 31 MADD concern 32 Sudden power
increase 34 Clairvoyant 35 *Stingray predator named for a tool 41 Pilate’s “Behold!” 42 Tea biscuit 43 China’s Chou
En-__ 44 “It’s cold in here!” 47 First Hudson River automobile tunnel 51 *Clairvoyant 54 “In __ of gifts ... ” 55 Rug on one’s
pate 56 It’s a wrap 57 “Now!” in
Westerns 59 Vacation memento ... or where you might find the ends of the answers to starred clues? 62 __-Price: toy
company 63 Small jazz combo 64 Cavs, on
scoreboards 65 Talk show
partner 66 Rope material 67 Reading organ
DOWN
1 Picasso’s
movement 2 Otis of elevators 3 Aerie youngster 4 Vietnam neighbor 5 Nest egg initials 6 Knight’s title 7 Felipe’s father 8 Work on a statue 9 This evening, in
ads 10 Guitar-making
hardwood 11 “Nice thinking!” 12 Coastal bird 13 Opposite of NNW 18 “I dunno” 22 Agua, across the
Pyrenees 24 “The Alienist”
novelist Caleb 25 Jackman of
“X-Men” 26 One prompting 27 Enterprise
captain 29 Tint 33 Wide shoe sizes 34 Brush-on wood
finish 35 Big wheel at sea 36 Healthful berry 37 Canada’s
national apple 38 Throbbing pain 39 Knocker’s place 40 “Weekend Update” show, in tweets 44 Ogres 45 School
assignment 46 Actress
Charlotte 48 Acclaimed war
pilot 49 Almost 50 Scottish port 52 “Tiny Bubbles”
singer 53 Ocean measure 56 Four-way __: certain intersection 57 Rank below cpl. 58 2016 Olympics
city 60 Mined metal 61 __ City: computer
game