Babysitter is a nightmare
I need advice regarding a recent nanny experience. I hired someone out of sheer desperation. I moved to a new town and have no friends or family around and am a single mother, and I had been with my 4-year-old son since March, one-onone with no real breaks. I hired her from a reputable baby-sitting website that I paid to subscribe to.
However, I did not personally check her references and relied on the fact that the agency had posted that she was vetted. I know this will bring me much judgment and is an absolute no-no when it comes to motherhood; nonetheless, I did it. I left him for two hours with someone who works full time as a nanny and spoke and sounded pretty great. She came over, and they both seemed excited. I sent them to the pool and finally did my hour and a half of grocery shopping.
When I returned, I looked out the window to see how they were doing in the swimming pool. I was very perturbed to see him trying to swim away from her and her pulling him back by either his shirt or his legs numerous times. I then heard her say that no one would be coming for him. As I was beginning to walk down the stairs, I saw him hit her in the face, which was very warranted, in my opinion, and heard her say, “Do you want me to put your hands behind your back?” Then she proceeded to do just that — in a swimming pool to a 4-year-old. I bolted down. He was in tears, obviously. And we never saw her again.
My question is: What should I have done or said to her at the time? What am I to say to my son? I don’t want him to relive it yet, but I want to know his feelings. — Mom Trying Her Best
What’s done is done. We all wish we could have a time machine and erase any negative experiences that our children have had, but unfortunately, that is not life. Children and adults will all experience ruptures in their lives. The most important thing we can do is to repair the ruptures. Judging from your concern and letter, you are trying your best, so you are already way ahead of the game in the “good mom” department.
First things first, you must report this horrible woman to the agency and perhaps to the police. She should never be allowed to take care of children in any way, shape or form. Second, stop beating yourself up. You hired a baby sitter from a reputable agency. Third, and perhaps most important, is how to talk to your son about what happened. Tell him you are proud of him for sticking up for himself with the baby sitter, and reassure him that she will never be allowed back in the house.
If you sense reasons for concern in the future, don’t hesitate to seek the counseling of a professional child therapist to see whether there are steps you could take for both you and your son.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
ACROSS
1 Knot remover 8 Not pointless? 15 Took too many
courses? 16 “Marvelous” 17 Sent along 18 One pulling his weight around Christmas 19 Caper 20 Stuff on the deck 22 Proactiv target 23 European underground nickname 25 Forbids 26 Flood insurance,
once upon a time 29 Copycat’s talent 30 Alley goop 31 Toasting
candidate 33 Grizabella the Glamour Cat’s solo 36 Single from Dylan’s “Blood on the Tracks” 38 Some navels 39 Puerto Rico’s __
de Morro 40 Hosp. sections 41 Warehouse
supplies 42 Darn things 43 Vince with 18
CMA Awards 45 Lacking versatility 47 Raised eyebrow,
e.g. 48 Nine Inch Nails
founder Reznor 49 Stomach 53 Brewery sugar 55 Where old records may be kept 57 Congo line? 58 Do an inside job? 59 Fair rewards 60 Small restaurants
DOWN
1 “Brothers &
Sisters” matriarch 2 Square 3 Gael, for one 4 Nocturnal Asian
snake 5 Singer ranked #10 on Rolling Stone’s list of the 100 Greatest Artists of All Time 6 Sporty truck,
briefly 7 Framework for
retiring 8 “Yowza!” 9 “Honestly!” 10 Matching 11 Toronto’s prov. 12 Party bites from
the toaster oven 13 Maroon at a
chalet, maybe 14 Coppers 21 Hybrid roast 24 Olympic gear 25 Film fawn 26 Basic studio
class 27 “Deadpool” actor
Reynolds 28 Group concerned with good breeding 30 Camper’s
anchors 32 Speakeasy
circulator 33 Bungle 34 Word with home
or slide 35 Stinging
response 37 House coat 41 Ugly looks 43 Xbox devotee 44 Kirkuk native 45 Name on “The Magnificent Ambersons” theater poster 46 Pulitzer-winning
film critic 48 Terry’s role in the original “Wizard of Oz” 50 Structural beam 51 Inflict on 52 They’re split 54 Check for drinks 56 Org. with an “Odd News” web page
We all wish we could have a time machine and erase any negative experiences that our children have had, but unfortunately, that is not life. Children and adults will all experience ruptures in their lives.