Workplace crush
DEAR ANNIE » I have been at my job for almost 12 years. About three years ago, I met a girl who had recently started working there. I should probably mention that I am a bisexual woman. Well, I kind of de- veloped a wicked big crush on her. I have no clue whether she even likes women, and I’m way too shy to ask. But I can’t get this girl off my mind. We only see each other at work, and I hide the way I feel because I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable or stop talking to me. It’s been three years, and I still feel the same about her, so I know it’s not going away any time soon.
I kind of want to tell her just to get it off my chest. I don’t know what to do about this. Do you think she would stop talking to me if I told her? Should I keep it to myself and move on?
— Seriously Need Advice
DEAR SERIOUSLY
NEED ADVICE » Dating co-workers is risky business. Sure, we all know married couples whose first date was in an office break room. But confessing your feelings to your co-worker could put you both in an uncomfortable situation, as you note, and might even put your job in jeopardy — all for a crush, and crushes, by their very nature, are built on flimsy intel. So perhaps you should get to know this woman better as a friend. Go out for lunch or coffee. See whether you even really like her or it’s just an infatuation born of workplace boredom. Toward that end, I’d also encourage you to ramp up your efforts in looking for love outside the office. It’s only natural for your brain to seek a romantic rush, and if you’re not finding that elsewhere, it will work with whatever is available. If your feelings for this woman persist and you get the impression she’s interested in you, see what HR policies are in place, and proceed with extreme caution, putting professionalism and politeness first.
DEAR ANNIE » This is in response to “No More Calls for Me,” who complained about people not giving their full attention to her when she calls. She should take a look at herself. Is she calling a busy mother whose children are wreaking havoc, someone cooking, someone trying to watch a favorite TV show? Does she ask whether the person she’s called is busy or available to talk? Above all, is she keeping people on the phone for hours? These people may be trying to be polite by not telling her that it’s time to hang up.
— Experienced on the
Other Side
DEAR EXPERIENCED » Well said. I love a good flip of the script.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From
Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www. creatorspublishing.com for more information.
Dating co-workers is risky business. Sure, we all know married couples whose first date was in an office break room. But confessing your feelings to your co-worker could put you both in an uncomfortable situation, as you note, and might even put your job in jeopardy — all for a crush, and crushes, by their very nature, are built on flimsy intel.