Where I went wrong in a COVID year of column writing

Confession is good for the soul, they say, so I thought I’d give it a whack. A year-end sort of thing. What did I get wrong in 2021? A quick review of my columns over the past year revealed not so much out-andout bloopers, as opinion goes.

But at times I detected a shift in attitude and an unfamiliar hesitancy to my brushstrokes. This will not stand.

I think I know what happened: Donald Trump made me a liberal.

Not really, but conservatism became less attractive as packaged by the Party of Trump. It simply became easier to poke Republicans than Democrats, even if President Joe Biden’s wild-spending bunch began their rule with a massive spree. Though I generally prefer a moderate approach to most problems (and libations), middle-of-the-road is a dangerous place for a columnist. At best it’s wishy-washy; more gravely, it puts one at great risk of also being boring — my greatest fear as a writer. My goal has always been to keep everyone awake until the last word, including me.

I do not, however, intend to be “woke,” as I seemed to be in a May column that violated my first rule of professional conduct: Never try to please. Usually, I don’t (as my overstuffed hate-mail folder confirms), but when I danced a soft shoe around “wokeness,” I betrayed myself, my muse and my readers. To have any credibility, not to mention readability, a columnist can’t pull punches. Oh yes, I pulled a few.

My column “The Republican Party has latched on to ‘woke’ — because it has nothing else” wasn’t precisely “pleasing,” I should say. But in trying to be fair and balanced on a subject about which I’m hardly sanguine, I made a muddle. My intent was to ridicule the exceedingly un-woke GOP for seizing upon wokeness as a cudgel against Democrats. While that part was on target, I missed a bull’s eye by failing to call out wokeness for the foolishness it has become — a bludgeon used to stifle dissent and stymie discourse. I should have said that without worry that feelings might be hurt.

The late political cartoonist Doug Marlette used to say that he was two distinct people — Chamber of Commerce Doug liked everybody and wanted everybody to like him, but Cartoonist Doug was a gimleteyed terrorist. “I trust Cartoonist Doug much more than I do Chamber of Commerce Doug,” he’d say.

He was right about that.

The writer “Kathleen Parker” is ruthlessly honest (most of the time), but my private self is nothing like her. She is a wife, mother, grandmother, gardener, collector of strays, shepherd, farmhand, house manager, neighbor, helper and friend who’d rather talk compost than politics.

To readers who’ve written to say, “You used to be good at this,” a word in my defense: I’ve deliberately tried the past year to be more civil, less strident, less snarky and more constructive. Doing this is much harder than I imagined, which may explain why we’re all a tad edgey these days. Civility, like a muscle, requires regular exercise. It’s exhausting, but it’s good for the country. Even so, soft-pedaling when toughness is needed wins no friends and leaves readers shorted.

Again in May, I jumped the gun with a column celebrating a long-delayed hug with friends post-COVID-19 vaccination and declared the end of mask-wearing. One can hardly blame me, but as we subsequently learned, COVID — far from being tamed — is a wild thing with a disheartening facility for disguise. No one was hurt by my jubilation, but, in retrospect, skepticism should always be a guest at any journalist’s party.

Finally, in yet another May column (note to self: vacation next May) about an unexpectedly dreary jobs report, I committed the opinion writer’s gravest sin: trying to have it both ways. This time, I criticized Republican governors who were calling for an end to federal COVID unemployment programs, arguing that people being paid for not working weren’t inclined to return to their jobs. I meandered around all the way to our southern border, suggesting that we might put all those newly arriving migrants to work. What I should have said: They’re right! Of course there are complexities — an unpredictable virus first and foremost — but human nature and economic common sense still ought to count for something.

And so it went in a year no one will miss. I’m not much for resolutions, so I’ll spare you. Suffice to say, I’ll keep trying to stay true to the mission of saving the republic and pray we’re all around to sing “Auld Lang Syne” next year. Here’s to health, wealth and happiness — and the job you’ve always wanted. Cheers, all!