Having grace in times of grief
DEAR ANNIE >> I just read your comments to a person whose husband had Alzheimer’s and was upset by what people said to her. Earlier this year, I lost to Alzheimer’s the woman who was the center of my universe for 60 years. I can relate to the comments from the woman who wrote to you. But I chose to believe that everyone who comments about my loss is truly concerned about my welfare.
Some people just do not know what to say, and they may unintentionally say something that hurts. I would suggest, for those who want to ease the pain of a friend, to read the book “Don’t Sing Songs To a Heavy Heart: How to Relate to Those Who Are Suffering” by Kenneth Haugk. It helped me accept everyone’s comments as attempts to ease my pain.
— Still Miss Her
DEAR MISS HER >> Thank you for your letter, and I hope this book helps people find the right things to say. I am truly sorry for your loss. I love your letter because it gives people the benefit of the doubt. So many times, we judge others harshly instead of seeing them as fundamentally good and trying their best.
DEAR ANNIE >> I’m writing in response to the letter written by “Self-Discipline,” who said that he believes he might be a sex addict.
A sudden jump in libido can be an indication of several health issues. If this person’s testosterone has risen precipitously, it is an indication that they need to see their health care provider and have their levels checked.
High levels of testosterone can cause aggravated levels of high blood pressure and cardiac stress. I definitely agree that this person needs to be communicating with their wife about what’s going on, but I’d like to add that when there are any extreme changes in our health, whether seemingly good or bad, they should be followed up by a doctor’s visit. If they are good changes, then perhaps there is nothing wrong, but at the very least we can get a better baseline from our tests. And although this one seems like a good side effect, it could come with very extreme consequences to health in other ways.
Thank you for listening.
— A Concerned Biologist
Thank you for your letter, and I hope this book helps people find the right things to say. I am truly sorry for your loss. I love your letter because it gives people the benefit of the doubt. So many times, we judge others harshly instead of seeing them as fundamentally good and trying their best.
DEAR CONCERNED BIOLOGIST >> Thank you for your wise feedback. Sudden changes in one’s physical body should be followed up with a doctor’s appointment to see what is going on.