Son’s accident spurs intrusive questions
DEAR ANNIE >> My son was involved in a catastrophic accident and was left with a severe brain injury. He also had a stroke 13 days after his accident that paralyzed his right side. He spent 42 days in the hospital. At that point, the doctors sent him home with my sister and me for palliative care. Now, almost five years later, he can speak some words and walk a little bit with assistance.
My question is, how do I respond to people who say, “I would never let my child live like that knowing that he will never be the same”? I have asked my son if he’s sorry that I kept him alive, and he says, “No, Mama, I love you,” so I know in my heart I did the right thing by him.
— Love Knows No
Bounds
DEAR LOVE KNOWS NO BOUNDS >> Of course you did the right thing by him, as you say. He is all that matters. The opinions of others do not. You ask how you should respond to people who say you should have let your son die. Who are these people? Stay away from them! If you must say something, I would say, “There is nothing stronger than the intensity of a mother’s love for her children.”
I can only imagine how hard it must be to watch your son recover from such an injury. The only pain that might be worse is the regret of having given up on him. Keep moving forward, and congratulations to your son for regaining his ability to walk and speak. That should be encouraging news to you both!
DEAR ANNIE >> I recently read your response to a gentleman whose girlfriend lost a child. As a person who has lost a child, I find your response to let time help to heal appropriate, but I would also like to introduce a group that aids in coping with this type of loss.
There is a worldwide group called Compassionate Friends. There are many branches located in many cities. It is composed of people who have lost a child, a grandchild or a close young relative. In their meetings, both happy and sad memories are expressed and accepted. I found this a very helpful experience. I went for many months until I found my strength to start beginning to live again. Please consider recommending this group to your readers.
— A Helpful Resource
DEAR HELPFUL RESOURCE >> Thank you for spreading the word about this support group. I am sure it has helped many cope with an unimaginable loss.
The only pain that might be worse is the regret of having given up on him. Keep moving forward, and congratulations to your son for regaining his ability to walk and speak. That should be encouraging news to you both!