How to know if it’s Mr. or Ms. Right

DEAR NANCY» I am recently separated after being married for over 25 years. I’m doing online dating and I feel like so many men keep asking me to take down my online profile and become monogamous. I am appreciative that I have a few suitors, but I’m just not sure I’ve met Mr. Right yet. Am I being too picky? How will I know when I’ve found “the one”?

Lori - 57 – King of Prussia DEAR LORI» You probably aren’t being picky, but rather unsure since you haven’t met enough men yet to feel comfortable making such an important decision. I always recommend to all my clients, both men and women, to date enough people (more than 10) so that when Mr. or Ms. Right walks through the door, they know it, or at least feel very confident about their choice. Remember the story of Goldilocks? She had to try out three totally dif- ferent chairs before she found the one that felt “just right.”

Well, that’s essentially the process that I adhere to for dating. In deciding the man you are looking for, I have my clients create a list of the “must haves” and the “never want” and as my clients date different men, their list becomes more detailed. It’s in the details that we find if we are compatible or not. So, rather than just saying “I need a man who is a gentleman and is available to date,” after 10 different dates you might articulate “I need a man who is on time, opens doors for me, loves Broadway, is a vegetarian, wants to do a biking trip through Europe, and travels for business rarely.” I’m confident that after you’ve dated at least 10 men, you’ll know better who you are looking for, and will be able to recognize your prince when he walks in the door. DEAR NANCY» I am now separated and am ready to start dating. I’m paying support so my funds are pretty tight. Any recommendations to keep dating affordable? Can I ask women to go “dutch” or does that make me look cheap?

Eric – 53 – West Chester DEAR ERIC» I appreciate your honesty about your financial issues. So many of my male clients struggle to keep afloat while maintaining two households and trying to date. I advise my male clients to make every first date a simple one-drink meet and greet. It not only keeps the budget low, it makes dating practical. Most of us recall the boring dates that we had to sit through that lasted far too long. If the onedrink-max first date goes well, you can take her out to a casual BYOB to keep down costs. Since I’m an advocate for active dates, I advise my clients to also meet for hiking, biking or even a nice afternoon at a local museum.

As for asking a woman to go “dutch;” I don’t ad- vise this as it does come across as cheap. Instead, ask her if she would like to bring the bottle of wine for the BYOB dinner, or try getting an invite to her place for a home-cooked dinner and you can offer to bring the wine. It is important to keep within your budget while dating as it gives the women a realistic perspective of your finances and you won’t feel vulnerable financially. When you start dating someone seriously, talk openly and honestly about your financial wear-with-all and figure out how to have fun on a budget together. Good luck! Please feel free to write Nancy with your relationship question at allaboutconnecting@gmail. com. She looks forward to hearing from you! Nancy Plummer is the president and founder of All About Connecting - a personal dating, matchmaker and relationship coaching service. Contact her at allaboutconnecting@gmail. com or visit www.allaboutconnecting.com.