Man who doesn’t want kids has dilemma

DEARABBY» When I turned 25, after considering it for years, I went to my doctor and told him I wanted to become sterile. I got a vasectomy two months later. I haven’t had any regrets, and now at 27, I’m still firmly convinced that I don’t want children — ever.

I started dating a woman a year ago, “Anita,” who told me that if she never had kids, she could live with it. I felt lucky to have found someone who would be OK with no kids. I have had a few issues with Anita. When she gets upset from time to time, she says that if she stays with me, she will never have kids. I know she cares for me deeply, but I also believe she feels conflicted about giving up the chance to be a mother.

Do you think it’s fair for me to pursue this relationship and hope that eventually she’ll come to terms with not having children with me? Or should I end the relationship so she can find someone who shares her desire to become a parent? I worry that if I end it, it may take years before I find someone who shares my wish to never be a parent.

— No kids in Colorado DEARNOKIDS» You have been upfront with Anita. She understands that you do not want children, and that you have taken steps to ensure it won’t happen. She’s correct that if she stays with you, she will never have any.

For both your sakes, the two of you need to talk this through once and for all, because if Anita is ambivalent about forgoing motherhood, she does need to find another life partner. And you need to let her do that. DEARABBY» It happened to me again yesterday. After I had been waiting patiently at the counter of a large department store, another woman came up and stood beside me. The clerk walked over and immediately began to ring up the other woman’s purchase. I said, “I was here first!” Both the clerk and the woman apologized, but because the sale had already begun, the salesclerk completed it and I was left waiting.

I am angry about it. I feel stores should have a queue where you get in line in order, or clerks should be instructed to ask, “Who was here first?” I don’t want to believe I was passed over because the other woman looked more prosperous than I do, but she was buying a very expensive handbag, while I was purchasing socks that were on clearance. How should that be handled in the future?

— Shopper in Kentucky DEARSHOPPER» If you have a complaint about service, it should be addressed to the store manager. A well-trained retail salesperson would have asked which of you was there first. The amount you were spending should have made no difference. DEARABBY» My wife and I travel with another couple. I furnish the vehicle and do all the driving. How should we share the expenses? — Easy rider in Northern

California DEAREASYRIDER» The other couple should pay for half the gas and their own meals and lodging. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order “How to Be Popular.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)