To tell or not to tell is wife’s ques­tion

Daily Local News (West Chester, PA) - - YOUR DAILY BREAK -

DEAR ABBY >> My hus­band trav­els fre­quently with a work crew. It is not un­usual for them to be gone for months at a time. Dur­ing these ab­sences, some of the mar­ried men on this crew cheat on their wives, who are at home with their chil­dren.

I feel guilty know­ing they are cheat­ing. I don’t want them bring­ing home any sex­u­ally trans­mit­ted dis­eases to their un­sus­pect­ing spouses. My hus­band says I should stay out of it be­cause it’s not my busi­ness, but I feel bad say­ing noth­ing.

Should I speak to the wives? I have seen the cheat­ing first­hand, so I’m cer­tain it is hap­pen­ing. I would want to know if it were me.

— Torn in the North­east

DEAR TORN >> You have a moral dilemma, one that I can’t de­cide for you. It is ex­tremely im­por­tant that you talk fur­ther with your hus­band about this. While I re­spect your mo­ti­va­tion to dis­close what you have seen to the wives, be­fore do­ing any­thing you must care­fully con­sider what the con­se­quences could be. If you do what you are con­tem­plat­ing, your hus­band is sure to be os­tra­cized by his co-work­ers. He could lose his job, and you your mar­riage.

DEAR ABBY >> I’m a 14-year-old girl with two younger broth­ers. They fight all the time, which I un­der­stand is nor­mal. The prob­lem is, my dad fa­vors my youngest brother. If there’s a con­flict be­tween my broth­ers, he al­ways pun­ishes the old­est whether he de­serves it or not. I have come to re­al­ize this is be­cause of my dad’s own bad re­la­tion­ship with his older brother and that this is his way of get­ting re­venge.

It’s tak­ing a toll on my brother emo­tion­ally be­cause he al­ready strug­gles with school and sports. I’m afraid he will be­come de­pressed. My mom will never speak up about it, and when I do, de­spite my good re­la­tion­ship with my dad, he pun­ishes me. Some­times I’m afraid he’ll be­come vi­o­lent. I feel boxed in, Abby. Please help.

— Stuck sis­ter

DEAR SIS­TER >> You’re a brave girl, and I’m glad you wrote. Re­gard­less of how dys­func­tional your fa­ther’s re­la­tion­ship may have been with his older brother, it does not give him the right to abuse your brother. Your mother may be afraid of your fa­ther or she would have put a stop to it years ago.

You say you are afraid your fa­ther will be­come vi­o­lent with you, which sug­gests that you have seen it hap­pen to other fam­ily mem­bers. If you try to dis­cuss this fur­ther with your dad, you might be at risk for vi­o­lence.

It’s im­por­tant that you find an adult you trust who can in­ter­vene on your brother’s be­half — a teacher, a rel­a­tive or even a neigh­bor. An­other strong male may be what it takes to pro­tect your brother.

P.S. If this doesn’t solve the prob­lem, please write to me again and let me know.

Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

For ev­ery­thing you need to know about wed­ding plan­ning, or­der “How to Have a Lovely Wed­ding.” Send your name and mail­ing ad­dress, plus check or money or­der for $7 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wed­ding Book­let, P.O. Box 447, Mount Mor­ris, IL 61054-0447. (Ship­ping and han­dling are in­cluded in the price.)

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