In NJ we curse, and that’s the {expletive} truth

I have a mouth like a sewer rat. Like a salty offshoreman. Like a drunk sailor. I have, in short, a potty mouth. It’s not that I don’t have a filter; if fact, I’m positive I do. After all, I fill-in on NJ101.5 as a host, and it’s live radio, and I’m relatively certain the FCC frowns upon us talk-show folk saying things like {expletive}, so I make sure to avoid saying things like that. It’s not that hard.

Clearly, I have the ability to not curse. I choose not to exercise it.

“We are in a elementary school,” my wife said to me through teeth so clenched she could’ve pulled an 18-wheeler.

“Sorry,” I said, after I apparently used a curse word. I say “apparently” because I have no idea if I did or I didn’t. They just fall out of my mouth like teeth in a nightmare.

Here’s the thing, at it’s base level: I think the idea of “bad” words is ridiculous. Words should not be based solely on the letters that are put together to make them; they should be based on usage.

So if I pepper my language with the f-bomb, but I’m not using it to injure, then it shouldn’t count as a “bad” word. Like this: “Oh that’s {expletive} hot. Don’t touch that {expletive} thing. You’ll burn the {expletive} out of yourself. Seriously. Don’t touch it. Aw {expletive}. You {expletive} touched it. I told you not to {expletive} touch it.”

See? In the above example, I didn’t call anyone any names, wasn’t mean to anybody, nothing. I was just colorful words to jazz up the sentence.

But … what if I was really mad at you. Let’s say you slept with my wife, killed my dog, stole my truck (pretty sure this was the basis of a Johnny Cash song). Let’s say we ran into each other outside a dusty bar, and let’s say I grabbed you by your bolo tie (no idea why I’m going country-western here, just go with it) and spit out the following in a loud manner two inches from your face: “You … you … you … you banana-splittin’ cucumber!”

In this case, it’s how you use the words, not the words themselves. In this case, a “bananasplittin’ cucumber” would be the height of cussin’.

Anyway, I bring all this up as a roundabout way to tell you this: New Jersey is almost the cursing capital of America, trailing only Delaware. ({Expletive} you, Delaware.)

This fact is courtesy of a study done by researchers at Maastricht University in the Netherlands.

But it wasn’t just foul language they were looking at: They were looking to see if there’s a connection between cursing and honesty.

As it turns out, there is. The more you curse, the more honest you are.

And in fact, according to the study, we lead the nation in honesty, which doesn’t surprise me. Us New Jerseyans are a direct {expletive} bunch. There’s no “beating around the bush gene” in our NJ DNA. We tell it like it is, call ‘em like we see ‘em.

And I love that about us. I’m one of those people that can’t help but tell the truth. As a result, I can’t abide liars. Thankfully, at least according to this study, I don’t have to {expletive} worry about it.

Here’s the thing, at it’s base level: I think the idea of “bad” words is ridiculous. Words should not be based solely on the letters that are put together to make them; they should be based on usage.

Aw, {expletive}.