Daily Local News (West Chester, PA)
Life is an all-inclusive vacation for my kids
Later this summer, we’re heading down to Cancun. Me, the wife, the kids. Hitting a five-star all-inclusive. Yep. When we vacation, we go for it. Only the finest for us.
Of course, we’ll have to sit through and incredibly high-pressure 90 minute timeshare sales presentation at some point during our stay, but it is worth it. Our all-inclusive vacation is coming in at around $1,200. That’s total, not per person. Go to a regular travel website and try to do that? Like $5,000. We’ve done this for seven out of the last eight years. You want some tips about it? Shoot me a message. (My wife is actually in charge of this. She has a website she deals with or something. I’ll hook you up.) (And yes, of course there’s airfare. Runs about $1,500 cash value, because I use my credit card points. To be clear: A full week, all food and drink, plus entertainment, $2,700. Can’t really pull that off at the Jersey Shore, sadly.)
Anyway, it works for us. The price is right, I’m a master of credit card points, and it’s fun. A full week of having everything taken care of for us while I day drink and convince the kids the Kids’ Club is super fun and see you later pick you up for dinner we loooove you!
Oh don’t look at me like that. It’s fun. They do stuff. And we don’t leave them there all day. They like it! Stop judging me. Besides, their entire life is an allinclusive vacation. Think about it. It is. I was having this very conversation a few weeks back with Jill “New Jersey Traffic South” Myra at NJ101.5. I was filling in and she asked me about my kids and next thing you know, we were realizing the ridiculous vacation life modern American children lead. Consider …
Food: Their entire menu is cooked to order. Macaroni and cheese for this one, a hamburger for that one, a hot dog (with no bun) for the other one. They like this, they don’t like that. It’s a fully staffed 24hour buffet for them.
Drink: They ask for milk, drink two sips, leave it on the counter for us to clean up.
Activities: I’m actually surprised my wife doesn’t print the calendar of activities broken down by the hour and have it slipped under their doors each evening. Coloring at 8, outside play at 9, water aerobics at 10, “Bubble Guppies” at 11.
Maid Service: They leave their clothes wherever they take them off, and bingo bango boingo, they get cleaned. They leave their beds unmade, they miraculously end up made. Decorative pillows get tossed about, decorative pillows get placed back in their proper order. Just the other day, my son yelled at me because I forgot to make him a towel swan.
The list goes on and on. And they don’t even have to sit through a sales presentation.
OK, fine, I guess you can make the argument their “all inclusive” lifestyle is really just me being a parent, but still: It didn’t used to be that way, I’m sure. Back in 1800 or whatever kids would’ve been lucky to have been living the “roadside motel with cigarette burn holes in the mattress” lifestyle.
Regardless, there’s not much I’m actually going to do about the kids and their home vacation life. My wife and I will continue to do what needs to be done, and if that means more swan towels, so be it. It’s such a delicate operation. One false fold and you’re starting over again.
I think I’m going to start leaving those little yellow tip envelopes in the kids’ rooms. Can’t hurt to give them a little hint, right?.
OK, fine, I guess you can make the argument their “all inclusive” lifestyle is really just me being a parent, but still: It didn’t used to be that way, I’m sure. Back in 1800 or whatever kids would’ve been lucky to have been living the “roadside motel with cigarette burn holes in the mattress” lifestyle.