Daily Local News (West Chester, PA)
Sticks & Stones
Not all of Kelce’s jabs staggered Birds’ critics
For as long as there have been entertainment options in Philadelphia, nothing has beaten the scene of happy and boisterous fellows in sequined outfits marching in a Broad Street parade. Been going on for more than a century. Don’t ask.
So it was when the Eagles, happy and boisterous after winning the Super Bowl, took to Broad Street marching last week, the one wearing the Mummers get-up would win the most applause. That would have been Jason Kelce.
Not content to just enjoy the moment, Kelce would go full-scale Philly, strutting to a microphone and shouting out a list of grievances, including slights real or imagined and a few naughty words. Then he broke into song. It could not have been any more entertaining, or any more Philadelphia, had he set a Troy Aikman jersey aflame.
But as with any such carry-on, there is a small fee to pay. It’s called the day after.
And that’s when the more grounded at the scene can exhale and admit that, well, some of it might have gotten just a touch out of hand. Kelce’s speech was brilliant oratory. But it would be subject to such a pull-back. For one thing, his rambling list of instances where the world-champion Eagles first were made to be disrespected was directed at the very fans who did all the disrespecting in the first place. Practicing good politics, the Eagles’ center blamed it all on analysts. But of the 700,000 close enough to the Art Museum to hear his hollering, 699,997 had at one point had made disparaging remarks about the Eagles. The other three were there to go inside to see the Varuhan Boghosian exhibit.
Not that all of Kelce’s gripes were unfounded, but, well, when any shouting like that occurs, it is ripe for an audit. And since the museum steps have been reconfigured for their real purpose, which is for visitors to run up them and raise two fists to the sky like a boxer in training, it’s time to address the best of them.
Here’s the round by round scorecard, in the spirit of the old-school 15-rounder, on the 10-point must system.
• Round 1: “Doug Pederson was rated as the worst coaching hire by a lot of analysts out there in the media.” That’s accurate. And not only was it wrong, it was bitter and cruel and unnecessary. Big round to Kelce, 10-8.
• Round 2: “Jason Peters was told he was too old and didn’t have it anymore.” Peters was 35 and injury prone. And he didn’t make it through seven games because he tore his knee. Round to the critics, 10-9.
• Round 3: “Big V was told he didn’t have it.” Halapoulivaati Vaitai could not beat out Peters for a tackle spot. And he had some difficult moments as a rookie. But once he had a chance to start, he was good to excellent. Kelce, 10-9.
• Round 4: “Jason Kelce is too small.” Kelce was atrocious in 2016, often struggling to make seamless snaps to Carson Wentz. He had something to prove this season. He did. But the warnings were fair. A 10-9 round for the critics.
• Round 5: “Lane Johnson can’t lay off the juice.” Twice, Johnson had been suspended for alleged misuse of performanceenhancers. One more suspension ant it would have cost him a year. Why deny that was a concern? Score it 10-8 for the critics.
• Round 6: “Brandon Brooks has anxiety.” Brooks missed games due to anxiety the year before. Critics, 10-9.
• Round 7: “Carson Wentz didn’t go to a Division 1 school.” That was considered a concern. Wentz responded by throwing a franchise-record 33 touchdown passes. Kelce wins the round, 10-8.
• Round 8: “Nick Foles don’t got it.” That was said. That was wrong. Kelce on a roll with another 10-8 round.
• Round 9: “Corey Clement is too slow, LeGarrette Blount doesn’t have it anymore, Jay Ajayi can’t stay healthy.” The Eagles didn’t draft Clement. Blount had plenty. And the Ajayi acquisition was met with little if any criticism. Even, 10-10.
• Round 10: “Nelson Agholor can’t catch.” The year before, he was benched for not being able to catch and admitted to welcoming the time off to get himself right. Critics, 10-8.
• Round 11: “Brandon Graham was drafted too high.” He was the 13th overall pick in the 2010 draft and was not always a starter through his career. But he had a great season. And his strip of Tom Brady to effectively seal a Super Bowl victory makes whatever draft pick the Eagles spent on him a value. Kelce, 109.
• Round 12: “Zach Ertz can’t block.” That was the rap. But he became a Pro Bowl tight end who scored a touchdown in the Super Bowl. Kelce’s round, 10-9.
• Round 13: “Brent Celek is too old.” At 33, he was hardly at his career best. But he was a reliable contributor to a world champion. Kelce, 10-9.
• Round 14: “Jalen Mills can’t cover. Patrick Robinson can’t cover.” Brady threw for 505 yards and three touchdowns in the Super Bowl. Critics, 10-9.
• Round 15: “Vinny Curry ain’t got it.” The Eagles waited a long time for Curry’s breakout year. But he had one. Kelce, 10-9.
Kelce made some other points not worth debating. One was that “Nigel Bradham can’t catch,” and well, Bradham has been in pro football for seven years and has yet to snag one single reception. Then again, he’s a linebacker.
But for the reasonable yelps from the man wearing the green satin, here is the final scorecard: Kelce 143, Critics 138. Oddly enough, the spread in that one, like the Super Bowl, was four. So not only did Kelce win, but he covered. For entertainment purposes only.
Contact Jack McCaffery @ jmccaffery@21st-centurymedia. com; follow him on Twitter @ JackMcCaffery