Should you keep your salary a secret from family and friends?

I was filling out my daughter’s Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA) when she asked a question that for years I’ve avoided answering.

“Mom, how much do you make?”

I froze. She’s the last of our three children to head off to college. The other two weren’t as curious. But this one, she’s the kid who wants to know everything.

My husband and I had made the decision not to share our income with the children when they were young. Initially, because we thought they might tell their friends or family members. Besides, at a young age, they don’t really have a good grasp of money. To them, $20 is a lot of cash.

As they got older, we continued to keep the information secret, because we didn’t want them to think we had so much that they could pressure us to buy them things. Your salary alone can seem enormous, but it is meaningless without the context of all your financial obligations.

But as we were going over the FAFSA form, my daughter kept asking why she couldn’t know how much I earn. I babbled a bit, but then I told her. Her reaction was more muted than I thought it would be.

Her question opened the door to another conversation about all the ways my salary and her father’s is chopped into pieces, including saving for her college education for the last 17 years.

She got it. And, she immediately said, “I won’t tell anyone.”

So much of personal finance is about these types of moments. Sure, I write frequently about your need to stay out of debt or save for retirement, but a lot of financial issues revolve around the personal dynamics of the dollars you do or don’t have.

This was the case in a question I received recently during my weekly online chat.

“My husband and I are blessed to have chosen careers that are very lucrative,” the reader wrote. “Based on how we live, no one would guess that we make as much as we do. My siblings all have modest incomes and there are frequent conversations about saving for retirement, buying properties, being able to afford this or that. It seems dishonest to lie about things being tight when we can really afford anything, but at the same time, I can’t let on to our income as it would unfortunately change a lot of relationships. Any advice? We in general just stay quiet about our finances.”

Who needs to know your income aside from the financial professionals you hire? Here’s who.