Teaching children from early age to respect themselves and others

Much of what we learn starts in the earliest years of our lives, much from our parents.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. would tell the story of how he learned to stand up for justice. His father had taken him to a store to buy new shoes. As they entered, the clerk told them to sit in the back rows. King’s father refused and left the store, telling young Martin he would never accept being told he was not equal to others because of the color of his skin.

I grew up in West Philadelphia and was sent to a private, mostly all-white school. But my friends were mostly black, and I spent at least as much of my time with them as in school. I remember one of my birthday parties when my mother invited school friends to come to a party and I invited my neighborhood friends. It was one of the few integrated gatherings held in those times — churches, schools, and other groups were segregated. I hadn’t yet been taught to hate and fear.

In his famous 1963 “I Have a Dream” speech in Washington, D.C., Dr. King spoke these words that are etched in our national conscience: “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”

At one level, the message is clear — judge people on their character, not the color of their skin. Seems easy to say or write, but often difficult to live. It’s not easy rooting out one’s own unjust attitudes much less others.

In his Letter from a Birmingham Jail, Dr. King he had more difficulty with “white moderates” than outright racists. He especially signaled out white church leaders who talked about equality in the future rather than freedom in the present.

Let’s face it, each one of us has prejudices, for good or ill. The trick is learning on what they are based (facts or myths) and discarding those which hurt others. I believe most of us want to be judged or to judge others on their character, not their race. But it’s hard, often daily work, to do so, for me, a lifetime process.

So, on a personal level, we cannot claim we can’t do anything about racism. We can by working on ourselves, trying to become more respectful of others.

But here’s the rub — taking stock of ourselves is a beginning step but not enough.

There are structural, societal issues that take more than the individual. There’s a multi-racial, multi-ethnic America on the near horizon, that what we do now will help to shape. It is projected that by 2045 our country will be “minority white,” the rest ethnic or racial subgroups. What we do now to prepare for this future may be the best plan for our republic.

I remember Dr. King saying that no laws can make someone like him, but it could stop them from “lynching me.” It’s these longtime issues that will take time, energy, focus and leadership to resolve with the hope that in the long run the “moral arm of the universe is long but it bends toward justice,” words spoken by Dr. King but probably first used in a slightly different way by abolitionist and preacher Theodore Parker.

There’s an ancient moral law from many traditions, sometimes called karma or the golden rule, that describes a relational principle — how you treat others will be how they may treat you in return. Your motives for applying this law is not to treat others for what you will get from them, or as a child once said “do unto others before they do unto you,” but simply to treat others with the respect they deserve as children of God or as human beings just like you.

You can only be responsible for your own motivations, not their responses. But you will have acted out of the best intentions, and that is what is most important now and in the years ahead.

John C. Morgan Columnist