Late- night smoking clouds neighbors’ sweet dreams

DEARABBY » My family and I bought a house in a nice, quiet, safe neighborhood three years ago. What we didn’t know prior to moving in was that our next- door neighbor sometimes smokes cigarettes. It rains eight months out of the year here, and we usually keep our windows closed, so it isn’t an issue. But during the summer, we like to sleep with the windows open. When our neighbor steps outside for a cigarette, the smoke drifts into our bedroom.

Our homes are separated by small yards, so at first, I thought they didn’t realize that the smokewas bothering us. Eventually I began to get upset. When I wake up in themiddle of the night to use the bathroom, I can smell it. I have made a point of loudly slamming the windows shut, hoping itwouldmake them stop. There is no way they don’t hear the noise, but it doesn’t stop them.

We don’t want to have to keep our windows closed, because it is not an everyday occurrence. It happens once a week or so, and always late at night or early in themorning. I don’t know if this is how they handle insomnia or what the deal is. Why do they still smoke in this day and age?

There’s no landlord to complain to because they own their home. After all these years, we have never introduced ourselves to each other, and I don’t believe they care to know us anymore thanwe care to get to know them. Because of this, confronting them is not an option. What do we do?

— Hates the smoke inOregon

DEARHATES » Your letter illustrates the disadvantages of isolationism. Had you made a point of introducing yourself when you ( or they) moved in, you probably wouldn’t have needed towrite tome now.

Slamming your window shut is not a friendly or efficient way to communicate because these people are not mind readers. Going next door, introducing yourself, politely explaining that there’s a problemand asking if they could smoke on the other side of their house, away from your bedroom window, would be better. If you can’t bring yourself to do that, write a letter — keeping the communication civil — and tell them in simple language that you would appreciate their cooperation in solving this problem.

DEARABBY » I’ve been with the same man for 22 years, married for 16. We live in a small town. During the last four or five years, everything has become about politics for my husband. I have absolutely no interest in hearing about what happens politically in big cities — or anywhere, for that matter. How can I get him to stop going on and on about what he reads or hears? So far, I haven’t been successful, and we end up arguing. Must I take an interest in it for his sake? Do you see any roomfor a compromise?

— Don’t show me inMissouri

DEARDON’T » To some degree, you have to allowyour husband to vent. Because we are in an important election year, there is no escaping the subject. If you listen, you may learn something you didn’t know that could be relevant to you. Limit the amount of time you spend listening, but I don’t recommend cutting him off. I’m willing to bet that you sometimes bring up subjects that may be less than fascinating for him, too. Tolerance and a willingness to compromise are two of the ingredients in a healthymarriage.

Dear Abby