Taking our losses one day at a time

A family member just lost his spouse of many years and was grieving. Often the best one can do is simply be there and listen. That is sometimes enough.

But there are other times when asked, it is important to offer a few words out of one’s own experiences of loss. My sister offered a few words to me that have helped: One day at a time. When applying her advice, I found there were days that all I could do was make it through that day, sometimes that hour. It made the grief more manageable.

Over time I have expanded my sister’s advice to help others: One hour, one day, one week, one month at a time. Memories may deepen over time but the pain will grow less and life will go on.

I realized this week that the same wisdom can be applied to a whole people who have experienced losses. I am writing this column a few days before the elections, so I don’t know who will win so it is not about any particular candidate but rather my perception of what our nation has endured. Besides, after the deluge of political chatter about the presidential election, I managed to focus my decision on the basic job description for our chief executive: to preserve, protect and defend our constitution. It made my choice easier.

We are in the midst of a public health crisis that has claimed over 200,000 lives, and in spite of thoughts that we are nearing the end, we know from public health specialists that the worse months of the virus coupled with the advent of the flu season are upon us. It’s going to take more than wishful thinking to see the end and the return to normal lives.

Because of the virus our economy is also slipping. Unemployment, the shutdown of businesses, and most of us learning to live more carefully by wearing masks or reducing contacts continues. We are hurting economically while our government seems unwilling or unable to ease our pain. Meanwhile, we seem divided as a people, our airways and social networks and even families and neighbors saturated with harsh words or even silence. We seem unable to compromise or even agree on the national problems themselves.

The words off ered to individuals may apply to our nation as a way to move into a better future. If we desire better times, we need to practice patience as we work our way out of a diffi - cult time — one hour, one day, one week, one month at a time until life seems less harsh and more normal.

The real question to be asked is whether we have learned anything at all about our national character and health. Wisdom is learning how to grow from life experiences. So, if we want to get out of a hole, the trick is learning to stop digging.

What might we do in the coming months to help heal our wounds?

First, we need to be more patient with one another. It will take time and energy and shared values to help us heal.

Second, we need to practice listening to one another.

Third, we need to seek common solutions to major issues we face.

Perhaps years later we can look back and realize our mistakes but also how we grew from them and how our nation moved on to new life. Or, we may repeat the same mistakes and dig deeper into the abyss.

To tell you the truth after a campaign season of lies, I will be glad when this is over and I can talk to people without wondering who they voted for or worrying about what they think about my vote, and when I can return to watching television or listening to the radio without having to endure the political ads. I think no matter who you voted for you, too, will welcome a time of quiet relief even though I suspect it will take time to recover. Meanwhile, it’s one day at a time as we make our way through.