Stay-at-home mom needs help
My husband, “Brett,” and I have been legally married for five years. We had a common-law marriage for more than 15 years before that. Brett was always a stable and encouraging partner, but over the last two to three years he has changed. He's angry and he blames me for things that could not possibly be my fault. He blows up in a rage and throws things across the room over insignificant annoyances. He has removed my name from our bank accounts and changed all the passwords.
We have had counseling, but he wasn't a participant as much as an observer, and later he criticized the therapist. I'm a homemaker, and I make some extra money creating artwork on commission. We have a son who is 12. I am going to be looking for a job or going back to school.
I have kept this to myself because I'm embarrassed. When my husband rages,
I freeze. I'm not thinking rationally and I need advice.
— Marriage Gone
Wrong
Your husband's behavior is threatening, demeaning and emotionally abusive.
It's vital that you get to the bottom of what has gone wrong with your marriage. An abrupt change in personality such as you describe is not normal.
Inform his doctor, your family and his about what has been going on. You should also make an appointment for yourself with an attorney who specializes in family law and can explain your rights as a (legal) wife in the state in which you live.
My father and I weren't close while I was growing up, and it affected me negatively in a lot of ways. I was resentful until, 30 years later, I told him how I felt. He validated my feelings and we started building our relationship.
He died nine months ago, and I connected with a friend of his who worked with him as a social worker. He's been a good friend to me. I have been struggling with depression and attempted suicide. I would get into counseling but I can't afford to, so good friends are a godsend.
After visiting him, I went to my mother's, and the first thing she said was,
“Is he trying to get in your pants?” I was deeply offended. She then told me I should “lighten up” and accused me of being too sensitive. Am I being too sensitive?
— Struggling In Utah
Because you are emotionally fragile, you may have overreacted. It may be time to check with your local department of mental health or the psychology department at your local university to see if low-cost help is available for you. Please don't put it off.